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People Amaze Me
Bill Engvall
Popularity ยท Low
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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Oh, people amaze me, man
It's like for three days we've been having a
Concrete porch put on the back of our house
For three days there's been a concrete truck parked in my front yard
My neighbor came over the other day
And he goes, "You pouring concrete?"
I said, "No, we're making big margaritas"
Here's your sign
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When I was in Washington D.C., I'm using the phone
I got the phone in my hand, a public phone booth
The phone is in my hand
A man taps on the glass and says, "You using the phone?"
I said, "No, I'm Superman, I'm just looking for my costume"
Here's your sign
ย
I got this one from a lady who emailed it to me, I thought it was cute
Her daughter was gonna bake a cake for the family for the first time
And she was reading the directions on the box
And one of the directions said, "Grease the bottom of the pan"
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So she greased the bottom of the pan
Little house fire
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When my kids were little, we were getting ready to go on a vacation
We were at the airport and we were gonna pre-board
'Cause that's why you have children, so you can pre-board
So I walk up to the doorway and I said, "We'd like to pre-board"
And the flight attendant looked me in the
Eye and she goes, "Are those your children?"
I said, "No, ma'am, we're circus people
These are the little people"
Here's your sign
But the best one I've heard all year long
Happened to me in Los Angeles
I got stuck behind a big rig that had gotten
His trailer wedged underneath an overpass
And traffic was backing up
Thank God we were going slow 'cause I'd have just rear-ended him
'Cause it was just
So me and the trucker are standing on the side
Of the road waiting for the tow truck to come by
And the highway patrolman walks up
And he looks at the truck
And he looks at the driver
And I'm thinking, "He can't say it
He's a paid official"
Sure enough, he looked at the trucker
And said, "Did you get your truck stuck?"
And God bless this trucker, without missing a beat he goes
"Nope, I was delivering that overpass, I ran out of gas"
Here's your sign
God bless you, take care of yourself, good night
ย