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Homecoming King
Andy Dick
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I was, uh, in high school, as a joke, I was, I got voted the
Homecoming king. But it was a joke that me and my friends set up
We're like, "Let's just try it. Let's try to, to snag it away from
The, uh, football guy," the captain of the football team usually
Wins, and then his pretty girlfriend who's, like, the captain of the
Cheerleaders, right? That's usually how it is, right? Not this year!
We had this slogan, uh, that we put up all over the school: "Don't
Vote for a jock, vote for a dick." And it worked. I got, got in and
I was the king, which was kinda sad actually. I stole it from the
. It probably fucked up their whole life, now that I think about it
However, um, if I would've known that we had to go this far
I probably wouldn't have done it, but we had to have a parade
You know the parade? And I had to sit on the back of a Mercedes
Convertible with the queen and just wave. It was horrible. You know
With, and Joliet, Illinois, is where we were, and there was just
Little, uh, people just in the neighborhood with their lawn chairs
Just sitting there and saying, "Who's the king this year?" And I'm
Just waving, going, "It's me!" And I swear, from the crowd, from
From the crowd of, like, fifteen, twenty people at any given time
On whatever block we were on, somebody just yelled out, "They got
A fuckin' ugly king!" And I had to just keep waving and smiling
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