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Mom Saw Jesus In Her Fruitcake
Almost Vinyl
Popularity ยท Low
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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Lyrics
Original
Translation
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At a family Christmas dinner, oh we all prepared
For our yearly disappointment that we'd grin and bare
But when mother cut that cinder block that she calls a cake
She almost passed out when she saw that holy lookin' face
Mom saw Jesus in her fruitcake
Oh what should she do?
Should we get some pictures done?
Or maybe call the news?
Oh there are lots of options but no eating will we do
Cause the Lord above has told us fruitcake isn't really food
Oh mom got on the phone and called the police
At first they said they wouldn't respond to cake emergencies
But we were in the south and once they saw this divine treat
They held a big news conference for all the world to see
Mom saw Jesus in her fruitcake
Now we're on TV
There's reporters here from CBS
And fuckin' NBC
Oh they're shakin' my mom's hand like she won the lottery
And from behind her I prayed to god they wouldn't involve me
Well after hours and hours they cut off a slice
Then they said "for the folks at home, would you take a bite?"
I looked at my mother and oh she gleamed with glee
But I wasn't mentally prepared for the task in front of me
I ate some Jesus fruitcake
And I threw up on TV
And the Pope said from the Vatican
"It was fuckin' blasphemy"
Oh for a second I could have sworn my mother looked possessed
But she never made fruitcake again so it ain't all bad I guess
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