Mr. Magnifico
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Mr Magnifico, everyone knows
Is a man who's seen heights and dusty billows
He has, in his time, drunk tequila and lime
With those who hide crime in their grimy behinds
He sees in his haze
He has seen better days
And he longs for the gaze of a feminine face
Doesn't he have to go far?
Man walks into a bar
There they are
Saying "we just in today
Do you know somewhere we can stay?"
They say that eighteen is a magical age
He says to his mates
Over pints of 10 eights
All that living to learn
All those lessons to earn
If a man can be firm
He can get some return
Mr Magnifico, what can he do?
He won't think a slow thought
When a fast one will do
Mr Magnifico fancies his chances
Oh Mr Magnifico practises dances
Mr Magnifico longs for romances
That never end up in champagne
Oh how life took its toll on his brain
"Oh you girls from France do a very special dance"
He says with a wink
At his fix in the sink
They look at him stand
With the grease in his hand
And the gold in his tooth
Winks once more at their youth
So it's off to the warehouse
To look for a bed
A big one, he said
Three silk pillows in red
And he hums a wee song
As he's driving along
It was "come on, come on
Magnifico's gone"
Mr Magnifico can see and he knows
If he follows his nose
How it's going to go
A little spiked wine
Dim the lights, pass the time
Those French girls like fromage
Oh they'll like a wee menage
He pulls up to the door
About a quarter to four
Ready for his glimpse of some youth
And inexperience
What he finds stays in his mind
Till the day he goes blind
A ripe old retort
In that bed that he brought
Mr Magnifico loved his fine suits
He was fond of his hi-fi
He was fond of his boots
He was fond of the Rolex
He kept in his safe
And the French girls both gone
They're gone travelling on
Mr Magnifico claimed the insurance
But Mr Magnifico found no reassurance
From a heart that was broken beyond all endurance
Now he only lives by the bull board
And abides by the Wilkinson sword
Mr Magnifico fancies his chances
Oh Mr Magnifico practises dances
Mr Magnifico longs for romances
That never end up in champagne
Oh how life took its toll on his brain
La la la