Jackson's Gone Wild
Chris Rock
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Damn! It's all fucked up, the whole world's fucked up, man
Michael Jackson lost his mind
What the hell is wrong with Michael? Another kid? Another kid?
I thought it was Groundhog's Day when I heard that shit
Another kid gettin' the fuck outta here
Yo, that's how much we love Michael
We love Michael so much, we let the first kid slide
Like, come on man, the man made "Billie Jean," leave him alone
Another kid, I'm done with Michael, I'm handin' in my card, fuck it
No, no, I'm takin' my glove off, fuck it
I am done, I love Michael Jackson my whole life
I've been his biggest fan, but I'm fuckin' done
I'm done
I saw Michael on 60 Minutes, I couldn't take that shit
Ed Bradley tried his best to make Michael look like a mammal
Somebody that drank water and breathed air, right?
He gave Michael the easiest questions in the world
The easiest GED questions in the world
And Michael could not pass the test
It's like, "Uh, Michael, do you think it's proper for a 45-
Year-old man to sleep in a bed with 13-year-old boys?"
"Yes!"
"Okay, okay, uh, let me rephrase that
Uh, Michael, would you let your children sleep in the bed of
A 45-year-old man that's been accused of child molestation?"
"Yes!"
Ed Bradley looked at Michael Jackson like
He wanted to say, "Nigga, is you crazy?"
Like he wanted to take the 60 Minutes clock and push the shit forward
Say, "Get the fuck off my show!"
"I thought you said it was 60 minutes"
"It's 10 minutes, get outta here, ya nutty nigga
What the fuck is wrong with you?"
I'm done with Michael, man
You see Michael go to court?
Motherfucker come to court 20 minutes late
What kind of black man gon' come to court 20 minutes late?
This ain't Barbershop 2
This is court, motherfucker
Shit, and he don't even wear a real suit to court
Comin' in there lookin' like Captain Crunch
Shit, shit, who's your lawyer, Frankenberry?
Better take your black ass to Banana
Republic and get you a decent suit
The fuck is wrong with that boy?
I'm done with fuckin' Mike
What the fuck? Another kid?
That's like another dead white girl showin' up at OJ's house
And OJ goin', "I know what you're thinkin'"
Another fuckin' kid, yo, yo, Michael Jackson goin' to jail
I'ma be shocked if he get his fuckin'
He ain't gon' be able to moonwalk his way outta this motherfucker
Michael Jackson goin' to jail
And it's gon' be a sad sight when Michael Jackson go to jail
Oh, we gon' shed a tear when Michael Jackson go to jail
And it ain't even gon' be sad the day he go in
It's gon' be sad like a month later
When that perm grows out of his hair
The shit's all nappy and gray
When his makeup's all fucked up
'Cause he don't got the Crayola people to fix his face no more
That's a fuckin' sad-ass sight
Remember when we was young, everybody used to have those
Arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince?
Prince won
Shit, Prince motherfuckin' won
Michael lost his mind, lost his fuckin' mind
Then Janet went crazy, whippin' out a titty on a Sunday afternoon
On a Sunday afternoon
What the fuck is wrong with this girl?
This ain't Deja Vu, this ain't Magic City, motherfucker
It's the Super Bowl, a titty on a Sunday afternoon
People comin' home from church, cuttin' on the TV, oh my God
A titty on a Sunday afternoon, and a 40-year-old titty at that
You can't just whip out a 40-year-old titty
You gotta have permits
You gotta talk to the planning commission, what the fuck?
It's Girls Gone Wild, it ain't Ladies Gone Wild
It ain't Auntie Gone Wild
What the fuck is wrong with this girl, whippin' out a titty?
A 40-year-old titty, that's your man's titty
That's your man's titty
20-Year-old titty, that's community titty
That's for all to see. The titty couldn't believe he
Was outside. The titty was like, "Oh, shit, what
The fuck's going on? Close the door! Close the door!"
Michael's crazy, Janet lost her mind. Now I gotta see Jermaine every
Week for the blow-by-blow. I thought I was done with Jermaine
I got the Do What You Did When You Did It to Me album
I got that shit. I got Dynamite. I got all this shit
I thought I was done with Jermaine. Jermaine look crazier
Than Michael. What the fuck is up with Jermaine? Is it me
Or is Jermaine the greasiest nigga you ever seen in your life?
What the fuck? My God, man. Does he just spray Armor All on his face
Or some shit? Just greasy motherfucker. My God, just glistening like
Patrick Ewing in the fourth quarter. Just fucking, just greasy
Shiny motherfucker. My God, when Jermaine's on the TV, I gotta wipe
The grease off the screen. I can't see shit. Jermaine must've been
On. The police can't even capture his ass 'cause he just slips out
The police are like, "Somebody throw
Some sand on that nigga. Please!"
The Jacksons lost their mind. R. Kelly lost his mind and shit. What
The fuck is wrong with R. Kelly? He got a lot of balls, okay? Talk
About, "It ain't me." Got a damn sex tape out, "It ain't me."
Motherfucker, we know what you look like. That's you, okay? There's
A damn Soul Train award right next to the bed. Best R&B '98, that's
You. I can't even believe R. Kelly will come outside after this shit
At one point on the tape, R. Kelly's eating this girl's ass out like
It's puppy chow. He's in her ass like he's got diabetes and her ass
Got insulin in it. Looking like the movie 28 Days Later. R. fucking
Kelly, man. Whole world's going crazy, man. Siegfried and Roy
The tiger bit the man in the head, and everybody's mad at the tiger
Talk about the tiger went crazy. That tiger ain't go crazy. That
Tiger went tiger. You know when the tiger went crazy? When the tiger
Was riding around on a little bike with a Hitler helmet on. "Oh
Shit, I'm a crazy tiger. Whoa, Lord, I'm crazy. What is I gonna do?"
Whole damn country's all fucked up. We so desperate for entertainment
Everybody's falling for this magician, David Blaine. What the
Fuck is this shit? Are we so desperate that we fall for a trickless
Magician? Where the fuck's the trick? Cut a lady in half, pull
A rabbit out a hat, do something. What's his last trick? "I'm
In a box, and I ain't gonna eat. I'm in a box, and I ain't gonna
Eat." That ain't no trick. That's called living in the projects