You Don't Send Me Penis Growth Pill Emails Anymore
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(Allow me please to welcome you all
To the first ever internet nostalgia ballad)
When we were young
Getting on was just for fun
Life was simple, we were fine with a 56K loading time
Now it seems the more we're connected
The more that walls have been erected
3000 friends who are not your friends
And how the trolling never ends
But there's one thing I want to know
More than anything else
I used to wonder "Where did they get my details?"
That was before
Now you don't send me penis growth pill emails
Anymore
Few good friends have seen it, and some females
Just to gawk
Now you don't send me penis growth pill emails
Anymore
Make all nice joints
As the gate creaks
Snake oil, price points
Cats and hate speech
The first time you knocked an online one off
It took all night to download Pussy Bahnhoff
(And that was just the home screen,
A cartoon of a railway station)
Sub-equatorial businessmen
I thought that we'd always be friends
A full and free exchange of ideas
Then the human race had to interfere
(Now even mysterious Russian women don't want a piece of me)
(Remember this?
Ugh.
Oh come on!
I've got to go out in 15 minutes!
Oh, I won't bother!)
You would end up feeling much more heinous
Than before
But you don't send me emails about my penis
Anymore
Used to wonder "Where did they get my details?"
That was before
Now you don't send me penis growth pill emails
Anymore
(Sing along now!)
Used to wonder "Where did they get my details?"
That was before
Now you don't send me penis growth pill emails
Anymore
(I've tried my junk mail.
I've tried social media.
Nothing!
Am I a lost cause?
Or have they decided that I'm adequate after all?
Perhaps I've intimidated them with it
Probably not)