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If I Were / Magic
The Horne Section
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Lyrics
Original
Translation
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If I were a dog I'd bite most the men I see
If I were a spider I'd build a massive web between two trees
If I were a fly I'd spread all the worst disease
And if I were a flower I'd do my very best to make you sneeze
If I were a shark I would loiter near the beach
If I were a maggot I'd make my home inside the sweetest peach
If I were a snake I would hug with all my might
And if I were a dung beetle I'd seek you out and cover you in shite
I'm an angry bee
I dislike everyone I meet
I've got the gift of the sting but I can only use it once
That just doesn't seem fair because the world is full of cunts
I'm an angry bee
And what really riles me
Is that I'm pretty sure my lack of sting is cause and not effect
How can I express that when I don't have the outlet?
I'm a toothless tiger, all bark without a bite
A lizard with a one-inch tongue, a horse without a knight
A llama with no spit gland, an eagle without flight
Think I'm gonna sting myself then die
I don't think I can sting myself, I've tried
Trouble is I can't reach my behind
What a shame
A nature song with some swearing in there
And if you want to avoid the swearing because of things like children
You should've dipped the track at about the one minute 30 mark
But hey, who likes swearing?
Everyone! Yes it's like magic and meat and musicals
Everyone likes it
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