Buffet
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I like to talk a little bit about chinese buffets.
I don't know if you knew this new development, but I'm not allowed any more.
They all have my picture.
With a big slash through it.
NO BUFFET!
BUFFET NOT FOR YOU!
Son of a bitch.
You order from menu!
You order al la cartรฉ!
A la cartรฉ, yes.
It's not my fault though! With Chinese food, you get hungry again!
Why is that? And it's a different kind of hunger: you go from full to starving. NOTHING in between.
You go from "Oh my god, I can't believe I ate all that chow mei- hey look they brought egg rolls! Two please!"
I went to a grand opening of a chinese buffet, I got a flyer in the mail, and it said grand opening and I go there with a couple of large mammal friends and the owner meets us at the door "We closed!"
Says grand opening pal!
"No! We closed! No buffet here! We dry clean now! I do your jacket, ready Friday! Now go! You cause trouble! Son of a bitch."
I went to this one Chinese buffet and I must say, the owner was a little rude, he'd come out every hour.
"Look, he's still here! He go again!"
What he was doing, I found out, was putting more MSG in the food as I went up. So about the seventh or eighth time, I was slipping into an MSG coma.
I had that never-say-die spirit though, I was crawling to that buffet.
MUST GET TO LO MEIN!
"I give him enough MSG kill elephant! He still keeps going! You can't stop him! You go now! You here four hour! Why you here four hour!? You no come here any more. Why you have spare rib? You so big! Eat vegetable! Eat broccoli! You scare my wife! You go now!"
He was so mad! Oh boy. Chinese buffet did not go well.