Bodacious Tatas - Live
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Like when I was in school, I had a group of friends. All these guys
Talked about they wanted to go out with a girl that had bodacious ta-
Tas. You know, this didn't fire me up, 'cause the only girls in my
School that had bodacious ta-tas were the ladies that worked in the
Cafeteria! Wore those industrial-strength bras, you know? Eight
Nine hundred hooks in the back of those things. Remember, you could
See them through their uniforms. How wide were lunchroom lady bras?
Hell, you could measure first downs with one of those bras. "Bring
That bra in here, Pete, we got a first down right now." First down!
Single people always have the best sex stories, too, don't they? And
We know this 'cause they share them with everybody. You know these
People. You see them in the break room at work. They're always
Bragging. "So there I was, tied up to her bed, had motor oil smeared
All over my body. She came in the bedroom with a saddle and a set of
Jumper cables." You see, married people just can't compete with this
Like, what are we gonna come back with? "Well, you know, last night
Marge was vacuuming in her good robe. She bent down to get underneath
The sofa. I thought, 'Hell, I'd watch Bonanza anytime!'" That just
Doesn't hold up, man. Sometimes we talk about this stuff, some people
Say, "Jeff, I'm not single and I'm not married, I'm divorced." Now
To me, being divorced is the same as being single, except you don't
Have as much furniture. My dad's been divorced four times. U-Haul
Sends him Christmas cards, you know? It's his fault, too. He keeps
Getting remarried, and each wife's like ten years younger than the
One he just divorced. Hell, he got married in September. I have to
Take his wife to school in the morning. "Look both ways, Mom." Oh
And their wedding was weird. Her matron of honor was
Her imaginary friend, Emily. She's a good cook, though
She got that Easy-Bake Oven. And... Last night, we
Had cakes the size of quarters. I love those things
This brings it around to married people. Married people are the
Only people that don't believe in premarital sex. 'Cause, see
It doesn't include them. They figure if they're having leftovers
Tonight, they don't want the rest of the world romping through
The buffet line, by God. Who's married? You guys, you married?
How many years? Thirty-five. Thirty-five. Bless your heart
That's a long time to pick up anybody's drawers, ain't it?