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Cockblock
Amy Schumer
Popularity ยท Low
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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Lyrics
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Me and this dude we're so different
we are
likes he's real into family and I don't care
uh
like he didn't even want to come here this weekend
because he wanted to spend time with his wife
and I feel like
I'm better I'm better ha ha hum
oh gosh
alot of these are jokes
um... it's a hot town
have you guys ever... you hear the phrase cock blocking?
Look at you - a couples have probabaly - you know your at a bar your talking to a girl its going really well and what happens?
Her less attractive friend comes over and ruins everything right?
Cock block
Well I have to tell you something guys
I have been the less attractive friend... and you were not cock blocked.
I was following orders from by better looking friend that she did not want to fuck you
They put so much energy into being mad at her but they should be thanking her for saving you money cause listen
girls... we... we are whores
like our friends do not hold us back
we will travel, okay?
we will wait
I have taken the morning after pill the night before, do you understand what I'm saying?
You picking up what I'm putting
girls have two signals with our friends
we have "I'm gonna fuck him" and "help"
Thats it!
Thats it!
I personally I dont use signals Im direct, you know if a guys like
"Can I buy you a shot" I say something clear like
"Thank you so much but I don't want to hurt the baby"
Uh
I just walk away! It's sooo weird but oooh
I make it sound like I'm so slutty... im really not
I've only slept with 4 people
and that was a weird night but uh heheheh
oh God
My friends are all whores... we are... we really are
but i have 1 friend shes a virgin
she acts like she so much better than everyone about it
you know
but shes like easily my grossest friend
I think shes saving it for someone who will do it
but uh but no
this is what i do to protect my self esteem you can do it too
I make sure that Im the prettiest of my friends... right?
you can do it too
and surround myself with real reptiles and monsters so I can shine... right?
I have this 1 friend Nikki though she keeps losing weight
I took her out of my phone.fuck her i dont need her
like you did it to yourself
but i have this - oh ive been friends with this girl forever
her name is Sabina shes absolutely gorgeous
Shes a Ford model
shes dating one of the Nicks likes shes that pretty
and thats one of those names - Sabina - you have to be really pretty to pull off
you know Sabina, Precilla
you cant have a bum knee and a lazy eye and be like
IM SABINA!!!!!!
like were gonna call you Bertha bitch
uh
if youre really hot you can be like Im Gorgonzola
and guys would be like, yeah you are
thats my favorite cheese... uuuugh
guys throw themselves at her
guys never hit on me like that ever
they do too come up to me its always at last call right?
they're in a full black out you know?
just kinda stumbling like a toddler learning how to walk
pointing at their dick like
HEEEERE
Hey! Heeeere
im like... ill get us a cab but uh...
its like so could out you know
its so cold
but im really im really not slutty
I was with a guy about a month ago
and uh we didnt have sex because we didnt have a condom
he said no but uh
im like whatever everyone has HPV right? so
I do you know
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