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This Woman I Met
Steven Wright
Popularity ยท Low
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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Lyrics
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I met this woman and I really liked her. As soon as I met her, all I
Could think of was wondering if there was such thing as the opposite
Of a restraining order. I liked her because she wasn't normal. She
Liked to dance really fast to very slow music, which I found very
Erotic... due to a head injury as a small boy. I was playing jacks
Way too fast. Her eyes were a little bit too close together, like the
Headlights on a Jeep. I used to call her AC: Almost Cyclops. In her
Spare time, she liked to waste time. She was a mail order bridesmaid
She would drink so much she would slur her pauses. She lived in a
Beautiful house, it had cathedral floors. You walk in, you just
Fall right down into the middle. We went out for about six months
Then she left. She went back to school in Seattle. She was studying
Uh, forensic astronomy. She wrote me this beautiful letter and I
Read it, and at the bottom I crossed her name off and I wrote my
Own name and I sent it back to her. And I never heard from her ever
Again. Apparently, she didn't like what she wrote. The reason I'm
So laid back is because in high school I smoked a lot of Ritalin
My problem is I was reincarnated without ever having been alive
The first time. My nephew has HDADD: High Definition Attention
Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does
It's unbelievably great. I saw an advertisement for some invisible
Fences. I thought, "That'll be perfect for my invisible dogs." I live
In Massachusetts. I didn't shovel a driveway once this past winter
Since I bought the flamethrower. You know, the Earth is bipolar
So I've been emailing my answering machine, which has been sending
Faxes to my cellular subconscious, which has call waiting, so in case
I'm thinking about something else, I can get back to myself later
It's out of control now, don't you think? I heard soon they're gonna
Have digital numbers. My dog has a website. All it is is naked cats
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