A Miracle Would Happen / When You Come Home To Me
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Lyrics
Somebody told me that the minute you get married
Every other woman in the world suddenly finds you attractive
Well that's not true
But there are some women, not all women, but some women
Who wouldn't give you the time of day before
And now they're banging down your door
And falling to their knees
At least that's what it feels like
Because you cannot touch them
In fact, you can't even look at them
Close your eyes, close your eyes, close your eyes
Except you're sitting there eating your corned beef sandwich
And all of a sudden this pair of breasts walks by and smiles at you
And you're like, "That's not fair"
And in a perfect world
A miracle would happen
And every other girl would fly away
And it'd be me and Kathy
And nothing else would matter
But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
I mean I'm happy
And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
It's not a problem, it's just a challenge
It's a challenge to resist temptation
And I have to say that what exacerbates the problem
Is I'm at these parties, I'm the center of attention
I'm the grand fromage
And here she comes
Let's get a cup of coffee
Will you look at my manuscript?
And I'm showing her my left hand
I'm gesticulating with my left hand
And then whoa, there's Kathy
'Cause she knows, they always know
And there's this really awkward moment
Where I try to show I wasn't encouraging this
Though of course I sort of was
And I don't want to look whipped in front of this woman
Which is dumb, I shouldn't care what she thinks
Since I can't fuck her anyway
And in a perfect world
A miracle would happen
And every girl would look like Cousin It
And it'd be me and Kathy
And nothing else would matter
But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
You know I love her
And it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
It's what I wanted
And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
It's not a problem, it's just a challenge
It's a challenge to resist temptation
When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that for a while you'll stay
When you come home to me
Your hand will touch my face
And banish any trace of gray
Soon our love will rise anew
Even greater than the joy I felt just missing you
And once again I'll be so proud to call you mine
When finally you come home to me
I'll be there soon, Kathy
I'll finish up this chapter and be out the door
I swear I'll be there soon, Kathy
Don't give up on me yet
I am so proud of you, baby
You're doing what you never got to do before
And I will be there, rife and crawling
If fucking Random House stops calling
Don't lose faith, don't get down
Don't despair
I'll be there
In a perfect world
A miracle would happen
And the day would finally be here
And it'd be me and you
Writing it together
And the things we do
Going like we planned
We're gonna make it through
And nothing else will matter
We're fine, we're fine, we're fine, we're fine
We're fine, we're fine, we're fine
I'll be there soon, Kathy
I swear I will