Lucy
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I tried to drop out
And I failed
I can't even pass
The process of dropping out
The worst in me prevailed
The tendency to mask my feelings
And then cop out
A hole in the sails
Wind just passes through
Now I'm feeling doubt
'Cause I don't wanna bail
I thought I could get through
I think I'm dropping
I'm eyeing the couch
I finished another shift
Eight hours I'm alert
Fall back in the arms of my couch, ah
I'd rather cry and sit
Than smile through at work
'Cause my dog just fuckin' died
And when they put her down, I was working out of town
I made my sister cry
She asked "Why weren't you around?"
I know I should've tried
I think my brain just died
(Yeah!)
I panic at night
My throat feels tight
I think that I'll choke if I swallow
And if I can sleep
It's haunting my dreams
I wake up and scream (oh)
The worst patterns and thoughts always follow me
My heart starts to race
And then escalates
I'm trying to cough it all out now
Am I going to die?
Something's happened and I
Have lost control of my body
I fall back on the couch
There isn't a cure
But the doctor says I should get out more
Stay healthy, hit the gym, keep clean
And eat my veggies
Is that what it takes?
I think I'm starting to break
I wake up to one missed call
It's not better at home, and it's not better alone
I guess the pain comes through
When there's nothing left to do
So I'm keeping occupied
I gotta get myself outside
Remember playing cards?
I was growing up
And I was growing dumb
Because I stopped one day
I didn't go back down and play
A part of me has died
I gotta get myself out
Get myself out
Get myself
Get myself outside!
I'm reading some books
Or so I think
I'm glancing at the page
I'm technically reading books
But every time I blink
I can't seem to gauge
If the words make sense
Because my phone destroyed my brain
And my body's going, too
My heart is getting tense
And if that part of me is dead
I've been sitting here for nothing
Waiting for that little something
I thought it was all about
I think I'm coppingโ