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BIG DICK RANDY: HOMECOMING
DigBar, Boyan Tantchev
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Everybody come here, gather 'round this fire
Lemme tell y'all somethin' I ain't told y'all before
Y'all remember Big Dick Randy? (Yeah)
Alright, well, I left out a story about him that (shh)
I wanna share it with y'all, man, that nigga's ruthless, like
He loves coming out on major holidays, but y'all know his favorite's Halloween
But this event right here
It's just haunted me and haunted me and haunted me to this day
Years later, I thought I was safe
I thought I could just go to a party with my friends at my college
And just chill, get some candy
Shit, but I guess not
This gon' be one of them ones, so everybody make sure y'all listenin' to what I'm sayin'
Ok, fast-forward 2021, he tried to murder me
I was at a party at my damn university
Man, it's Halloween night and everybody masked up, strapped up
You would think we was takin' place in a burglary
Fine shit with me, her booty natural, ain't no BBL
I had put cologne all in my drawls in case my pee-pee smell
I had hella niggas with me, we all ready for a fun night
Ain't no way that somethin' crazy happens to our fun, right?
Man, it's the first Halloween that I been out since Big Dick Randy
But I heard there's a party, so I'm there and I want candy
I had texted my girl and niggas, I'm like, "Guys, I don't know"
They said, "Randy's long gone, get ready, we gotta go"
So that's why I'm at the party, no more reminiscin'
When I saw this big monkey nigga starin' in the distance
Had the tracksuit, had the shoes, man, he had it all
I was just hopin' it was a nigga that played basketball
He was kinda tall, seven foot, I don't know, I was stressing
Grabbed my girl and all my niggas, started headin' to the exit
I heard a deep voice, "DigBar, where you goin'?"
I felt every ounce of life leave my body, I was frozen
Like, nigga, why the fuck you so back? And why are you so big and black?
And why the fuck are you in a tracksuit, and you don't even run no track?
Man, you know why I'm back, nigga, it's a holiday
I'm about to have my fun with you in a lot of ways
Hell nah, not this again, we started runnin', bodies everywhere
If I knew he was comin' back, I would've shot him everywhere
Steppin' over cheeks like in the gaps, like it's a ladder drill
Doo-dooed on myself 'cause I was scared and my lil' bladder filled
Ran, got in the car, we lost somebody, it's my nigga Kevin
But I don't give a fuck 'cause all that nigga said was six, seven
And Randy done took everybody's butt, there was like 80 pairs
We got in the car and hit the gas, and we got out of there
Man, I was so relived that I had my cheeks still
Then I saw Randy runnin' fast like Tyreek Hill
And we was doin' 80 in the whip and he still catchin' up
Humans only run like 25, so how he catchin' us?
And he jumped on the roof, he's like boom, he was pissed off
Then he grabbed the roof with his cheeks and ripped the bitch off
Now he standin' there, his meat dangled to the dashboard
He said, "DigBar, when did you start liking fat whores?"
He grabbed fine shit by her hair and threw her in the road
Then he grabbed my other nigga, took his butt and let him go
Then he sat down in the car, looked me in my face
"There ain't no escape, every year I get that cake, nigga"
Nah, nah, come sit back down, don't be scared now
Y'all begged me for this shit, y'all wanted to hear more
So why the fuck are y'all runnin' away from the campfire
When I'm tellin' y'all niggas about it?
It's some real shit, man, it's some real shit I went through
Big Dick Randy a real nigga, like he really do this shit
Like just stay in the house, man
Like best advice I can give, man, just stay in the house
That nigga Randy don't play no games
And for everybody that thinks Randy goes after kids, that nigga is not going after kids
I ain't never said that shit
But yeah, man, I like to call this story the Big Dick Randy Homecoming, man
'Cause, shit, the nigga came home
I mean, nobody was expectin' a pop-up all them years later and shit, he came home
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