Orphaned at Thirty-Three
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Lyrics
I know you think I'm this perfect guy
But there's something I have to confess
I only hope it doesn't make you like me any less
I've got this tragic backstory that's driven other girls away
But I feel like I can trust you, you won't judge me for what I say
The others couldn't handle it, 'cause my story's just too sad
But here I go, you ought to know - I have no mom or dad...
They're dead
That makes me an orphan
I had no one to bake me bread
No one to make my bed
No one to teach me the difference between right and wrong
Or to sing me a song
I long to be as strong as I used to be...
But I was orphaned at thirty-three
I've got no one to hold me tight
No one to kiss me good-night
No one to press their breast up against me and say
"It'll all be okay"
But, hey, that's just the way life is for me
Since I was orphaned at thirty-three
They call me a jerkoff, a burnout punk, but I can't let that junk in my head
I could've been a contender if not for the fact that my parents are dead
All things considered, I think I turned out pretty good
Pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started stealing all I could
Still, there's no one to love me now
But I'll make it through somehow
Despite being so sadly and crushingly all alone
But I make a solemn vow
That when I have kids of my own
I'll break the chain, you'll see
I'm gonna live forever...
So they'll never know the pain of being orphaned at thirty-three