savedbythebell2
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Stuck for eight months, needles in the arm
Seeker through my blood cells, evening to the dawn
Blood clots, labor breathing, bracelets said it all
Wished for false central line, needle through her chest, turning toss
Quit cigarettes a week before chemo, started menthol with dro's
Got to a point where pain and joints were so severe, I'd rather crawl
Keep it pushing though, they said with punches, she would fucking roll
Dreams going to heaven, God made me pay a fucking toll
I ain't have the money for it, told 'em pay a fucking forward
Set me down to hell when I would wake up as a fucking ghost
Ain't even holy neither, fentanyl pumpers and extinguishers
Threw a stomach fire, constant vomiting, acid charring my esophagus
Constant smell of rubber and alcohol was truly ominous
Have you ever looked inside the mirror, felt anonymous?
Realizing you powerless and couldn't even stop the shit
Ativan, rocket ship, send my ass away before they fill my veins with toxin shit
Have you heard his discography almost fulfilled his prophecy?
Twenty-four days with a fever, was too hot for me
Body turned to clay, you could've scoped at me like pottery
Mom stacking ice bags on him as he burning up
Slurring speeches, have my ass amnesia 'bout the yearning stuff
Fuck, 135 pounds at the lowest
If my body hit the floor, I would be broken
Soft-spoken, since this cancer humbled me
Mama slept in the hospital, she would comfort me
Staring out the window as a tear rolled down my cheek
Could barely walk at all, watching yo' arm moving comfortably
Jealousy, hypocrisy, and anger had encompassed me
Fifteen rounds, now it's time for a surgery
Bound to a operating table for eight hours, I'm scared as shit
Isaiah visited me night before, told me it ain't shit
Worst part is over after this, I'm just a patient
Barely felt human and they done replaced my bones with metal and chrome
Woke up in a zone, fucking panicking
Heart beating fast, I'm on the go
Just sandwiching the worst pain of my existence
And so disassociated, a pick for reference to cover this album
See my face, it was void of presence
I ain't know this shit would be so painful, entry was deception
Guess you gotta do what you gotta do, that was the lesson
Fast forward past two months of immobility and contemplation
Me and the metal in my leg, we'll have a conversation
Back to chemo for another twelve rounds
Dreaded facing poison in his body, once again, roll with it though
Breaking down day by day, tryna hold on
Notice when your life pause, everybody goes on
Where you guys going?
Stay with me, please
Stay with me
Approaching the bathroom with struggle like
Hustling bustled and the chaplain came in said praise to me
Mom wiped my ass, I could barely touch my back
That just was the harsh reality, post surgery
Darkest time, wished somebody would just murder me
Went into the bathroom in the dark, felt the pressure in my heart
Mom worried cause it's suicidal tendencies
What's that? They just tendencies
Blood clots in the lungs, swear this shit really felt like my final run
Swear to God, caught a second wind and I hit the ground running
Like the souped up rice is on a fucking boulevard
No food in the belly, kept pushing just to get the whole life back
Thought I couldn't, didn't choose this, you know what they say
Only way to the other side is go through it, go through it, go through it
Eventually I ring the fucking bell just to prove it, just to prove it, just to prove it