11pm in Aoyama-Itchome
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Lyrics
Can't tell you the sacrifices I was about to make
To change myself to something you could digest
Trying to be something of your likeness
When all the fog has cleared
There's nothing else that I should stand to hear
Trying to stand on solid ground when I just want to duck my peers
Fear for the man that all this shit is trying to turn me to
Never been the one to fight for people that want me to choose
An option suitable that gives control in situations
I'm running out of patience
So fuck you and the pacing
How everything is being viewed as overreacting
Like how I'm iffy on your actions
And still you want that passion
And begging for commitment when I've seen through it all
How every thing that's built around you would fall
Who you gone call
Gave up searching for a soul that could resonate with my mental
It's clear there's still regret, I don't want them to hear those issues
The closest ones to me cannot fathom the thoughts I go through
If you asked me if I value them more than me I'd say it's true
Think this phase of my existence is one that I don't desire
Full of hate for everything and acknowledging that I'm tired
I am not the man I used to be
I can't spare you love or any sympathy
Don't explain your problems to me ever cause your life isn't mine
And I can't resonate with pain that ain't mine, or say it's fine
Optimism's what you make it, you ain't got it so what
And crying later ain't a sign that you tough, give that shit up
Things hurt you more than ever when you put the heart into it
When it starts to fall apart, the pain that comes is incongruent
Living proof cause I've had so much that I've wanted put in words
And every session on this phone just gave me shit you probably heard
Now, even now it's the same
But this is truly for myself knowing there's nothing to gain
Wasting my time, I've done too much of playing everyone's game
You got your own shit that you hide, my nigga we are the same
Look, still hear my name is in your circle
When word gets back to me, now I can't lie that shit is hurtful
Cause we don't throw your name around with hateful connotations
Still I wish you well, but know my heart is aching
I have moments where the worst is all I want for all my enemies
Holier than thou, that lie I've lived is contradicting
All the guilt continues weighing heavier than what it's ever been
Praying that I break, but I'm too durable and only bend
Finding slight relief in what can come when I stick to the pen
Questioning the choices of the ones I've been calling my friends
What lies on these paths if I bring all of this shit to an end
I'm still ahead of myself
Looking back had fucked me up cause this ain't better my health
Looking back is why I feel the way I feel bout myself
Tunnel vision, trying to focus on the things that I like
Want to be there for everyone, but it's life
Can't live it twice
Bottling just how I feel about events is too alarming
Every time I speak my mind, I'm so convinced that's it's too harmful
When did I begin to think of how somebody else could view me
I was managing it fine accepting comfort being lonely
Maybe I was hoping for change
How everyone has been igniting my flame
Can't stay the same
Still as dark as what I was when depression sustained my being
Colors make it worse for all of the backwards shit I've been seeing