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Fueled by Self Hate
Marc Maron
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This, like, you know what?
You ever hated yourself so much you had to take a nap?
Where the fuck does that come from?
You ever just spend three hours just going
"What the fuck is wrong with me?
God-damn it, I'm a fucking asshole"
Jesus, I'm exhausted
And then, the sweep, the sad sweep of self-hatred
Wake up all groggy
I'm going to go to the gym or something
I can't jerk off again, it's too fucking sad
It doesn't help anything
You ever do that thing where you fucking pack your gym bag
And like, just move it towards the door over a series of days
Just hoping that one day, it will inspire you
To actually pick it up and leave the fucking house with it?
Just sort of like, "Alright, I'll just move it a little closer"
Or, did you ever buy the magic shoes
Where you go to the store, and you're like, "I need magic shoes"
You know, the ones that'll make me run three days a week?
And then you see them, and you're like
"Ah, oh, there's the magic shoes that'll make me run"
And then you sit the magic shoes down on your floor
And they're just sitting there, all magic, making you look stupid
Like, remember when you thought we were magic?
Well, we're just sitting here, you haven't even fucking done anything
Next to the gym bag
Do you ever put your gym clothes on
And just get to the door and, like, "I can't, I can't do it"
And then just sat there and jerked off in your gym shorts?
That's a fucking sad moment where you just, you can't make the gym
You've got your magic shoes on
And your gym shorts, and you're just jerking off and crying
And then you try and rationalize it as exercise
You're like, "That got my heart rate up"
And then you just take the sad nap
Of self-hate in your gym shorts after jerking off
And sleep where you don't even pull your shorts up
And you wake up, and your shorts are on your ankles
And you're fucking just laying there
You're like, "Oh, that's an existential moment"
You just feel yourself rise out of your body
And look at yourself and just ask yourself
"Can I leave? Can I just fly away? I don't believe in gravity"
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