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Farmor

Hyvönen Frida
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Long ago or not, I was the child who spent the afternoons with her and she taught the child to play canasta. Two decks of cards, jokers and all, cookies, concentration and laughter. In a closet she referred to as her "treasure chamber" she kept a child–size pile of magazines: miracle stories and crosswords and recipes. Woe, the reaper comes, his scythe is so long, and once he comes he takes away a many. Now he's here, and grandmother's gone. It's February. In a snow white coffin, her dead body lies, a thin ivory skin with freckles. Woven hands, bundle of flowers, and a fine pearl necklace. And I'm in a church singing, for the dead again. No – but for the living. Says the living: it's important that the living have their sorrow. My grandfather shows me a letter she wrote, she was twenty and had moved into the city. She polished copper kettles in a rich man's home, from what she writes she seemed to love every second of it. Not only for the cinemas and the pleasures of the city, but for the fact she'd never liked working in the barn. It had been a great relief getting out of the family farm. And it's too late for further questions, it's too late for saying goodbye, and it's too late for anyone to come and see her. And I recognize spring as it wakes in my heart, how it clears out the fear and the fever. And sometimes I'm older than the ones who are old, and gonner than the ones who are gone. At the same time I am singing and dancing along. So I'm in a church singing, for the dead again. No – but for the living. Says the living: it's important that the living have their sorrow. Beautiful my darling you are beautiful my girl and you shall wait with settling down and always know that even when you're eighty years like me you never feel older than seventeen, at least I never did, at least I never did. Grandfather's been dominant but kind, and we made it from scratch, the boys all turned out fine, but of course I wish I'd had a girl, of course I wish I'd had a girl. Have another cookie now, it's your turn to deal now. So shuffle the cards.