Hot Water Burn Baby
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Well Ryan, tomorrow's a big day. Your mom is coming
Home from the hospital with your new baby sister
Baby sister
That's right, baby sister
Baby sister
So, uh, I think now is the time for us to go over some
Safety rules for when you're around your new baby sister
Safety rules
Okay, rule number 1: Always wash your hands before touching the baby
Wash hands
Do you know why?
No
Well, because sometimes you have germs on your hands and
Germs are bad for the baby 'cause they can make the baby sick
Germs make baby sick
That's right, that's right, Ryan, germs make baby sick
Germs make the baby sick
Okay, rule number 2
More rules?
Don't feed the baby anything
Don't feed the baby
That's right
Why?
Well, because the baby needs to eat special baby food
Why?
Well, other food is bad for the baby
Other food bad for the baby
That's right, good
Now, rule number 3
More rules?
Never take hot water near the baby
Because hot water will burn the baby
Water bad for the baby
Well, not all water, just hot water
Yes
'Cause hot water will burn the baby
I don't understand, daddy
Okay, see this glass of water that I'm drinking?
Yes
Well, this water is okay for the baby
Yes
Here, touch the glass
Yes
See, it's nice and cool
Yes
Now, if this was hot water, that would be
Bad because hot water can burn the baby
Hot water burn baby?
Yes, hot water burn baby
Hot water burn baby?
Yes, yes, hot water burn baby
Hot water burn the baby?
Yes
Baby can't go in the swimming pool?
Oh no, the swimming pool is okay, swimming pool water is cool
Yes
That's alright
Yes
But the jacuzzi is bad because that water's
Hot and hot water will burn the baby
Hot water burn the baby?
Yes
Hot water burn the baby?
Yes
Now, say you made a cup of tea. Would you take that near the baby?
Yeah, baby like tea?
No, Ryan, I don't think you get it yet
Baby no like tea?
Well, I'm sure the baby will like tea, but what do you make tea with?
Hot water
Right, and what did we say about hot water?
Oh, hot water burn baby
Yes, hot water burn baby
Hot water burn baby
That's right, so no tea near the baby
Hot water burn baby
Yes
Baby no take bath?
No, bath water is warm, warm is okay
Yes
Hot is bad
Yes, hot water burn baby
Yes, hot water burn baby
Hot water burn baby
I think you're gettin' it
Hot water burn baby
That's right, Ryan
Hot water burn baby
Now, don't you ever forget that
30 Years later
Hey Ryan, what are you doin' out there?
Just watchin' the Discovery Channel
Well, dinner's gonna be ready in about 5 minutes
Aw, great baby, alright, I'll be in in a few
Momentos, let me just watch the Discovery Channel
Okay, honey
Yeah
Villagers of Pasquam
Pasquam
Have a very bizarre and painful way of
Welcoming their infants into the community
That doesn't mean anything
Unfortunately, the death rate for this ritual is a mortifying 90
My God
That explains the Pasquam's low population
Yeah, it does
On the first full moon of Autumn, all the Pasquamian mothers
Wrap their newborns in traditional hand-painted deerskins
Deerskin?
Which have been passed along from generation to generation
That's nice
The entire Pasquam population then forms a
Circle on the sacred battlefield of Chincharra
Chincharra
Each Pasquamian baby is then passed hand to hand around the circle
Wow
4 Times
4 Times
Once for the sun
Mhm
Once for the moon
The moon
Once for the earth
Yeah
And once for the wind
The wind, too?
When the babies arrive back in their mothers' hands, they are
Marched in procession to the Pasquamian natural hot springs
What?
Where the ceremonial purification will be completed
What are you saying here?
As we watch, the mothers take their progeny out of the deerskin shells
No
And dunk them into the steaming water
No, no, hot water burn baby, hot water burn baby
That's right Ryan, hot water burn baby
Hot water burn baby
Ryan, what's goin' on out there, are you okay?
Hot water burn baby
Hot water most definitely burn baby
Hot water burn baby
That's right Ryan, hot water burn baby
Hot water burn baby
You are a bitch, Ryan
Hot water burn baby
The hot water burned the baby
Hot water burn baby
Ryan's gonna do the whore
Hot water burn baby
What are you doing to me?
Hot water burn baby
Ryan
Ryan is a whore