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Something Died

Shadow Beloved, Jordan
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You don't change like this Unless something dies inside I stayed when I should have run Held the line until it cut through bone Kept believing in better days While breaking quietly alone I learned how to speak and half truths So nobody heard me crack I called it growth but it was just survival Learning now not to collapse I asked for help, I waited my turn I kept the faith until it burned Something in me stopped asking why If you're looking for who I used to be You're too late, I put him in the ground Myself and let the voices have their way Stay back I don't pray the same anymore I don't ask to be understood I stopped trying to be the answer For people who never would They say I change like it's a warning Like I should feel ashamed But you don't get to name the damage When you watched it happen And stayed The mask isn't hiding my face It's keeping it intact It holds together what was left After everything cracked This is what I'm becoming Live with this disgrace You don't get to mourn what you abandoned You don't get to pray for me now You don't get to call this a fall You watched me bleed in real time And didn't move away Let them have their way If you're looking for who I used to be You're too late, I put him in the ground Myself and let the voices have their way I tried to stay light in a world that feeds on dark I tried to stay soft while it sharpened my heart This isn't corruption, it's consequence This is what remains when silence learns defense If you're looking for who I used to be You're too late, I put him in the ground Myself and let the voices have their way I didn't disappear, I didn't break away I stayed alive by letting something else take its place If you didn't lose me You're just too late