Neckbolt Love
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I was created in a flash of lightning
By someone who thought he was God
He made me oversized from my neck to my thighs
Oh yeah, I've got a killer bod
(You see actual killers)
But since he gave me such good equipment
And since he gave me this mortal life
The least he can do is to do what he do one more time
And give me a wife
But he seems a little reluctant
His arguments are too profound
He's got all this angst so I'll just give thanks
That his girlfriend is hanging around
I got a brain full of secret desires
I got a heart full of feelings so sweet
I got an arm full of luscious, unconscious brunette
And a cave right down the street
I may grunt like I'm dumber than crabgrass
But I can talk if push comes to shove
And right now today all I got to say
Is get ready for some neck bolt love
Well at first she started to protest
She screamed and she beat on my chest
But when I jumped away her eyes filled with dismay
And she tore off my wolfskin vest
Her hands grabbed a hold of my shoulders
Her ankles went behind my knees
And next thing I knew I'm on my back and she's doing
A tonsil osculectomy
Whatever it was I expected
Wasn't what I got, oh my
I wanted prim and proper but in bed I can't stop her
And I'm not sure I should try
She got electricity charging my body
She got thunder wrapping 'round my brain
She got me dazed, confused and maybe vaguely used
And I don't know if I should thank or complain
She got me inside out and upside down
Sideways, below and above
She got me wondering why I decided I should
Get me some neck bolt love
Oh baby, oh baby
No, no baby, no baby please not the battery cables
No, no baby not right now
No, no baby please no I
Ahhhhhhh
Well after two weeks I was exhausted
And when I woke up she was gone
But she came back there with streaks in her hair
And a whole lot of bandages on
My creator attempted a rescue
But she told him to hit the road
Now every Saturday night we crank up the lightning
And hook up my electrodes
She told all her friends about me
Now they all want a monster too
So fellas don't despair if you ain't Fred Astaire
Somewhere there's a scream queen for you
I guess everybody's got their secrets
Everybody's got their kinks
Everybody's got something gets them hot
And it may not be what you think
And if you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em
I'm the editor-in-chief of
The best-selling obscene Inventions magazine
Check out this issue of Neck Bolt Love
Only $2.95
Whoa, check out this centerfold
Who is that?
Abby somebody