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Closure
Cadet
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Pain, Underrated Legend, pain, pain, pain, pain
Wallahi this is all true, it's all true still
Ight, look
So a big part of my life has been chicks
I know I can't lie about that
And if I keep it real
I never thought again I'd have to write about that
See, word I was still in love when I wrote "Slut"
Just words, them scars weren't closed up
But since it gave me exposure, it's only right I tell you my closure
Slut
Man I was so real to the page, so real to the extent that
Man I even used real names, Cherise she text me once on a mad ting
Tara kinda treats me like a germ and the girl that done the monkey bar ting
Well, well she's just doing her
Man listen
Not that same one that my last freestyle was about
But love from west to the south
Thought I was over the girl until I saw her out
And family I was all shocked 'cause I've been thinking about this girl like every day in every way
So yeah of course we speak and numbers exchange and now I'm happy as fuck
Because now I'm back with the love of my life
Doing all kind of shit like kissing on north while it was two o'clock at night
A good guy now, I ain't hitting whenever
Even crashed my car spitting together
You know when the kiss is perfect, come like puzzle pieces fitting together
That's when I told her "Wait though, if we're doing this then we've gotta do this right
"I'ma tell you all the shit that I've been on the last couple years, there's shit you won't like
"But I'ma be honest and I'ma be real to the T
"I've gotta make sure some next girl can never come to you about me"
And that's when I started talking
Man I told her all of the girls that I beat, all the problems with me
The one night stands and the girls that I met on IG
But when it was her turn she said "There ain't a dream I can sell you
"And really my life's been boring, and there ain't nothing to tell you"
And man I believed her, maybe I was naive
Or gassed that the girl I was thinking about for the last four years was by me
And like that feeling it weren't gone away
And her mum even took us on a holiday
And I ain't gotta ease in shit
Couple months in, I've got the key to the crib
But, but then I got distant though 'cause I got that iffy vibe
Like, I'll be catching her out telling silly lies
Like, if you're my woman then why I gotta catch you out?
And it's dumb shit, like shit you ain't even gotta lie about
And this is when I turned into a fuckboy, man I can't lie man, I just weren't with it
Even though I still loved her mad, something couldn't sit with my spirit
Never called her beautiful once, no attention, her time I had none of it
The most I would do, pull up on a late night random one if I felt like cuddling
And that's when I got that phone call though
And you know how it goes like, like "Blaine, there's something you should know
"I just took a pregnancy test, and look man, it came back positive
"And right now I can't have an abortion, looks like we just gotta get on with it"
And me I can't lie how I acted, it was all loose man, I started backtracking
When I heard the word 'baby' I just panicked
And asked her again "Are you sure you wanna have it?"
And she said the doctors told her before that she can't have a baby
So the thought of having an abortion, na, na, having a yout' is all crazy now
Look, see when a baby ain't planned
There's some stages you go through as a man
The first stage is na, she ain't having this yout', I gotta talk to her harder
The second stage is look man I gotta man up because I'm gonna be a father
Pull it off, I still told my mother, I'm thinking that she's gonna get mad at me
And all she said was "Blaine, do not bring a mad gyal in my family"
Told my sister but she weren't having it, and right now I'm excited
But anyway fuck that part, it's the second part that hit me like lightning
I got a phone call out of the blue like "Blaine where you at? And can you come round?"
And I said "Now?" and she said "Now!"
So I says "fuck it" and drove from South
Blew until I pulled up to the crib, got in the lift, put the key through the door
And all I can see is her there, with her arms around her belly on the floor
I'm like "Yo baby, tell me what's wrong?" she's saying "I've bled and my belly keeps hurting"
I keep phoning the ambulance over and over again but this shit ain't working
They pull up in what seems like forever, me I'm shocked, I don't know what it means
We get to the hospital, they take her blood, holding her hand waiting to be seen
And then some young white lady steps in
She clears her throat and she looks up slow and says "You're no longer pregnant"
And, man it kinda hit me in the worst way
'Cause it happened like three days before my birthday
Now, now me and her's back on track, but I can't like a real shot I ain't giving it
'Cause I've got this feeling saying that I can't trust her, and look man, I can't get rid of it
Man I gotta talk to her, I gotta talk to her, I'ma see her next week and that's when I'll talk to her
I picked her up so I can drop her at airport, I said I'm tired so she can drive
And I'm just there in the passenger seat and I'm looking at her square in the eyes
And I say "What I'm about to say, man I ain't tryna cuss you
"I really wanna make this work but I feel like I can't trust you
"And look I don't know what it is but I've got a feeling so deep in my ribs
"Months ago you was gonna have my kid and now I feel that the solution is to"
"Let me have a look in your phone"
It might sound dumb and I might sound young but let me have a look in your phone
"Don't get it twisted, I'm grown but let me have a look in your phone
"I'll see nothing, I'll stop bugging, we'll get to trusting
We'll build something, you'll probably be cussing
"Like I told you there was nothing in my phone, and word on my life, I'll let that go
"But let me have a look in your phone" and then she said
"No" and I said "Word? I swear you want me to take you serious, and word that's what I'm tryna do
"So, you've gotta respect how I'm tryna move
"Five years deep, you'll let that go, just to not let me look in your phone"
She looked back with a worried and scared face and then she said "No"
And look you see that kinda iffy, man I let that go so quickly
Still went to the airport just to let her off
And then I put my key right though the letter box
Look, what was in her phone? Man I would never know
But nine times out of ten there was the maddest tings in her phone
Now I get a phone call few days later, she's like "Hi", I'm like "Waddup?"
She's like "Now you can look through my phone" I'm like "Shut up"
Three months after, I'm in Shoreditch, and I see her cousin
And she pulls me to the side like "I wanna talk to you about something"
And I'm like "Calm, we can step out the bar, and me and you can go and speak in the car"
And she's like "I don't talk to my cousin no more man, she takes things kind of far"
And I'm like "Wait there, what do you wanna say to me?"
And she goes "Uhm, shit, I don't know how to say this but, I don't really wanna say no dirt
"But when you was with her, she was chatting to a couple man, and there was this guy from work
"And when she was having his kid
She showed up to my crib 'cause she weren't sure like if it was yours or his"
And I said "Wait there, how do you know?"
She says "On my daughter's life I know
And I'm only telling you because I don't speak to her anymore"
And I couldn't care about the cheating but the child shit hit me harder
Man I got excited and I told my mum that I might not have been that father
But I guess I didn't know that lady
After the miscarriage, shit got crazy
She looked back like "Miscarriage, what?" I said "Yeah, she miscarried my baby"
She said "Wait there Blaine, are you sure?"
I said "I saw her on the floor
"We both went to the hospital and they said that the child weren't there anymore"
And she said "When this happen? Around the end of Feb?"
I said "Yeah, how you know?" she said "Fuck man, these girls are dred"
I said "Wait, what you mean?" she said "On my daughter's life I'm talking
"But in the middle of February, I took her to get an abortion"
See gyal are fucked like that
Yeah man fuck up, but mans fuck ups ain't fucked like that
Are you even clocking the play?
So the miscarriage and her being on the floor was all staged
And then they ask why man's so bitter
And man turned into your average nigga
Saying how you can't trust these women, trust rudeboy, man it can't get realer
But if I learnt one thing out of this whole thing, you've gotta go with your gut
But you ain't gotta take my advice 'cause I'm just Cadet AKA The Slut
You feel me?
Pain, Cadet Cadet Cadet Cadet, pain
Cadet Cadet Cadet Cadet, pain