Along Came Me
andie schoen
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You, you, and your galaxy brain
Brooding over peanut butter whiskey
About how lifes so plain
You and your tortured soul
And your experimental poetry
About wanting more control
You don't want to kill yourself because that would be too easy
An escape for the weak that makes your iron stomach queasy
You don't want to quit, but really how hard would it be?
And then, along came me
Me, me, and my sparkling eyes
Unconventionally attractive
You like me and you can't tell why
I am a ray of sun
And I'm a total intellectual
Even though I should be dumb
I have my quirky hobbies
And I'd really love to kiss you
And if you ever need, I'll always be around to fix you
I finish up my fruity drink and start to leave the bar
And in true selflessness, you walk me to my car
Soon, I'm your free therapist
You stopped seeing your real one
Because he just never did get you
And your introspective pain
You light your hand-rolled cigarette
As I start to explain that I've tried to kill myself three times
Because my life isn't easy
Imagining my suicide, it makes your stomach queasy
It seems so painful that I talk about it so offhandedly
And you say you wish you could take my pain from me
I gave you the best 6 months of your life
I'm something worth living for
Something worth saving
I'm a beacon of light
Easily coerced into sex
And in an Unexpected twist,
You'll never guess what happens next
I died for your stupid character development
I either killed myself or got into some weird freak accident
But I lived long enough to show you true happiness, you see
And if there was a god, you'd thank him for me
And you jerk off to me
In the shower at your mom's
And you never end up moving out
Because my death was a bum
And you self-published your poetry
And win some damn award
Because if I wasn't put on this earth for you,
Then what the hell was I for?