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Big Band Theory
Bryan Bowers
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Many billion years before
What we call the days of yore
The view was so uncluttered and pristine
The universe was void
Nary one stray asteroid
Creation friends had yet to make the scene
Then with a rude and primal hiss
Some fundamental orifice
Blasted forth effluvia and gas
So call it what you may
But for now just let us say
That the cosmos in its glory came to pass
It was on that fateful day
The earth was sent upon its way
A pleasure cruise upon the cosmic sea
With Jupiter and Mars
And a cast of well-known stars
To keep their little buddy company
The director of the cruise
Kept them thoroughly amused
And delighted were they with the bill of fare
But they were certainly surprised
When they finally realized
That they booked a one-way trip to God knows where
Now being molten for a term
Old Terra Firma became firm
And oceans filled the holes eventually
The celestial planning board
Soon came to full accord
And zoned the planet residentially
When the great time-sharing plan
On condo earth began
Real estate was for the wealthy few
Now even low-class bugs and germs
Could afford the easy terms
On a luxury apartment with a view
Now it wasn't long before
Gigantic dinosaurs
Were strolling up and down throughout the land
But their tiny cerebellum
Weren't big enough to tell 'em
That their terrible demise was close at hand
These tremendous herbivores
Ate their herbivores' divorce
Gamboling about without a care
And now they can be found
Far underneath the ground
In some forgotten geologic layer
Well, a time went age by age
And other creatures took the stage
Gorillas, rats and dogs were in the cast
And a naked biped beast
Who may not have been the least
Was among those folks who took their places last
This two-legged prima donna
Told all the other fauna
That the starring role was his and his alone
And when the others asked him why
He just pointed toward the sky
And said that God had told him on the phone
Now with his new opposing thumb
And his king-size cranium
Man sallied forth with grace and savoir-faire
With Promethean desire
He soon discovered fire
And arson but a single step from there
The wheel and gasoline
To the full-size limousine
Music, art and law are but a few
But name what can compare
To the artistry so rare
As the spare rib that has met the barbecue
Now I would like to say
That we've come a long, long way
From that great primeval blast away back when
And before we say farewell
I'd like to know just where the hell
This rolly-coaster ride is going to end
Will we all be blown away
On some atomic judgment day
Or travel off through space in high renown?
But where'er we finally go
One thing I truly know
We'll find some way to go there sitting down
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