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Thrown out of a Bar
Jeff Foxworthy
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Lyrics
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It's Ron's turn
I'm gonna let you guys pick tonight
He can either tell
Either tell the story about
Remember when they put the Bengay in his grandmother's girdle?
Or, uh, the time he got thrown out of the bar in New York City
Oh yeah, we gotta go with the bar
New York
Alright, New York
Uh, I got thrown out of a bar in New York City
Now when I say I got thrown out of a bar
I don't mean somebody asked me to leave
And we walked to the door together
And I said, "Bye everybody, I gotta go"
Six bouncers hurled me out of a nightclub like I was a frisbee
Those big ol' New York bouncers that
Think bouncin's a cool job to have
They, they just think about bouncin'
They hang out with other bouncers talkin' about bouncin'
They go home every night, watch Roadhouse and fondle themselves
For wearin' a hat
I walk into a bar with a hat on
This guy, real pissy, goes, "Take off the hat!"
And I'm like, "What's the deal?"
He goes, "I'll tell you what the deal is
Gay people in this area wear hats
We're tryin' to keep 'em out of our club"
I'm like, "Oh really?
The only way we can tell down in Texas
Is if they have their hair cut like yours"
And he got all pissed
But he walked away and I took the hat off
And like an hour later I'd been drinkin' and I forgot
You ever forget? It happened to me
I put the hat back on
The guy comes over to me
Now, I'm between 6'1" and 6'6"
Depending on which convenience store I'm leavin'
I weigh 230 pounds
The guy comes over to me
Pokin' me in the shoulder with two fingers
Says, "You're outta here"
I'm like, "I don't think so, scooter"
And I was wrong
They hurled me out of that bar
And then they squared off with me in the parking lot
And I backed down from the fight
'Cause I don't know how many of 'em it would've taken to whip my ass
But I knew how many they were gonna use
That's a handy little piece of information to have right there
Well, they called the police
'Cause we broke a chair on the way out the door
And I refused to pay for it
I refused to pay for it because we broke it over my thigh
The cops showed up and at that point
I had the right to remain silent
But I didn't have the ability
The cop says, "Mr. White, you are being charged with drunk in public"
I was like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
I was drunk in a bar
They threw me into public
I don't wanna be drunk in public
I wanna be drunk in a bar
Which is perfectly legal
Arrest them"
Well, he didn't arrest them
Instead, he made me do a field sobriety test
Where you stand on one foot
Raise the other foot six inches off the ground
And count to 30
I made it to "woo"
Is that gonna be close enough?
Well, it wasn't close enough
So they call in for my arrest record
There's some good news
Satellites are linkin' up in outer space
Computer banks at NASA are kickin' on
There's a telegraph in Fritch, Texas goin'
Beep beep beep de beep de beep de