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Joliet 10s
Lisa Lampanelli
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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Ladies and gentlemen, comedy's lovable queen of mean, Lisa Lampanelli!
Oh my god, look at you people! Wow. Joliet. You guys... You are not
As ugly as I thought you'd be. No, seriously, look at all the women
How beautiful. They're like Joliet 10s. New York 3s, but who's
Counting? That's okay. You're so cute, look at every type of person
Blacks! Blacks! Right in the front. How did this happen? You people
Win one election and see? Look at this. Oh, and I can tell by the way
You're clapping, a big dirty homosexual is right in the front row
I love the cornholers. How are you? Oh my god, you guys should see
Him. He is so gay, he poops Skittles
I love the gays. What's your name?
Mike
Mike. And what is your name? Are you his cornhole compadre? Todd
Is it? Oh, Mike and Todd. I like you, but I'm a little disappointed
In your name, 'cause homos usually name themselves with S's. For
Extra lisp potential. No, the happiest cornholer I ever met was
Sebastian. An aesthetician specializing in sensitive skin. Now that
Was one happy shit stabber indeed. Do you prefer bun splitter? Tush
Tickler? Fudge nudger? Semen demon? David Archuleta? Oh, I think we
Know about her. So we also have, so we have dirty fags, we have
Ooh, I can tell by your flock of seagulls haircuts, there's two
Lesbians here. Wow. How are you girls? Hey, are you, are you lesbeans
? Wow, why aren't you out building a Habitat for Humanity house?
Isn't that cute? And look in the front row. Identifiable Jew and not
Jew. So I'm assuming only one of you has a small penis. I mean her
Anyway, hello dirty heeb, let's all say hello to the money grubbing
Heeb in the front row. One, two, three, -snort-. Look at that, and we
Even have a Mexicans. Oh my god, way too happy to be a Mexican and
Unemployed. Que es tu nombre, Pedro?
Or which type of Hispanic are you?
Mexican and Puerto Rican
Mexican and Puerto Rican. Isn't it just the same fuckin' thing?
It's alright, man. Which one was Mexican, your mom or your dad?
My dad
Your dad was the Mexican, so your mom married the gardener. I find
That... fantastic. You know, this is what I like about you guys
Nobody's a stiff in this room. I don't see any a-holes are gonna
Moan jokes, 'cause we don't need that crap during a Lisa Lampanelli
Show, okay? We don't need it. Are there any old, oh my god, I almost
Said are there any old people. Look at this Father Time looking
Douche. I mean, oh my god, sir, how are you? I didn't recognize you
Without the pitchfork from the painting. I'm also, I'm always weirded
Out when there's an old guy at my show. Did you know what type of
Show this was gonna be? You know what I mean, that blacks would be
Sitting near you? Rather off-putting. No, seriously, did you know
This was gonna be a dirty show? Are you sure
You didn't think it was gonna be a Liza Minnelli
Concert? Oh, you are so cute, how old are you?
Sixty
Sixty
Sixty one
She just hit him. Not even. You must be a dirty wop woman
You hit your husband. I like you, old bastard. Clap it up
That he's still alive. Barely, like hanging on by a thread
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