Truce
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I was little
My mother was a bank teller
I called her a fortune teller
She nicknamed me Panji
Not Pangaea
I was never in one piece
The first time I called someone ugly
My heart had an ice cream headache for three weeks
Tell that to my future
Say the moon doesn't care to be a bully when it's full
I was running from myself on empty
Not much made sense
Like the Russians didn't like us
Because they couldn't afford blue jeans
What I knew is that I wasn't killing
Spiders 'cause I was scared of them
I was killing them 'cause they were scared of me
You can have a cold war with yourself even in the summertime
I watched the rocks get slapped by the sea
I knew the sea was made of the same stuff as tears
That meant if you were hurting you could understand the sharks
Maybe carry them between your ears
Maybe hear the word love and start running from the teeth
I was running around with a panic in my chest
The teacher said silence is golden
I wanted to say silence is bronze at best
But I'd already time-capsuled my voice box
Hoping someday I'd be either brave or scared enough
To dig it out and open it all the way up
That's how I got here
In this old rocking chair
Typing with my grandma's thimbles on my fingers
Every poem is something being sewn
Every poem is me asking
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Years after they told me I was already home
My love's feet were still not welcome on the welcome mat
But you'd never seen bridges that could arch like that
So we crossed the river to where the echo took us in
That's how I learned bouncing back is
About being honest with the canyon
That's how I got this see-through skin
This glow-in-the-dark fear
This here's my shame on a silver plate
I know it's the one meal all of us share
I know how much time we spend sleeping beneath our beds
'Cause somebody told us that's where the monsters should hide
Y'all everyone is gonna pick a side
On whether they're good or bad
Whether you are kind or cruel
But what if the quickest route to loving ourselves
Is deciding it's all true
Every bit of it
I was not a child
The last time I threw a full tantrum fit in the grocery store
I was not poor
The last time I stole someone's heart like it wasn't worth my change
I do not need air traffic control to tell me
There have not been enough flights for me to lose all of my baggage
But I am learning to claim it at the same carousel
Where I am learning beating yourself up is never a fair fight
Only knocks the wind out of our chances
To come clean through that canyon
To be exactly who we are
So we might become exactly who we want to be
So if our baggage is to run
We will one day learn to run like we sing
Like someone took apart a cello to build our hamstrings
This is me running straight into your arms to tell you
My skyscraper heart might still be afraid of heights
Your dark side might still be searching for its stars
But the acoustics are still amazing
And our meteor showers
The light will never be out of your league
You were the first one picked for your own team
Our underdog hearts are winning this game
Even when we're doing it all wrong
Even when we're falling apart
Sometimes it takes a storm for the whole sea to start doing the wave
I know it took a storm for the message
In the bottle to finally reach my shore
To teach me how to write my entire life using only the shift key
To mess up
To bounce back
To let myself be
The hinge that keeps opening the door
To look you straight in the eye
To tell you I didn't come here to write my heart out
I came to write it in