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If You Care
David Cross
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So I was in uh... Whole Foods the other day
And uhm... and you know how Whole Foods has its own line
Of uhm... you know... eco-friendly, planet-friendly products?
365, and I was in the houseware section
And next to their product is another product
That's even eco-ier and friendlier than that stuff
With the worst name I've ever heard for a company
And it's called "If You Care"
If you... Fuck you, Saran Wrap
Fuck you, Saran Wrap, if I care
I don't need to be made to feel guilty
I'm already in Whole Foods, I'm already there doing that
Now I gotta feel shitty because I'm not getting your Saran Wrap?
Fuck it
I didn't know it was possible for an inanimate object to be Jewish
But apparently, Saran-
I mean, the logo should just be a disappointed rabbi, you know to-
Yeah, okay, yeah
No, I mean, you don't have to get it
But you know if you can, you'd get it
But you don't care, so that's fine
No, it's all right
No, God forbid you spend an extra 17 cents
To help the planet and save your children
And your children's children
No, you go and save the 17 cents
I'm sure you'll spend it on something very, very important
Okay
No, I don't
You don't have to get it
Just if you can, you'd get it, but you don't
So that's it
I mean, you know, I can't make you get it
It's not Nazi Germany
You know, not yet with that attitude but
If You Care
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