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6/8 Hoodoo
Vivian Stanshall
Popularity ยท Low
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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The gutters leaked like secrets and the rain rain rained like
Rain at Rawlinson Inn. In the library a log fire spat tracer
Over doomed Dresden, and Sir Henry, now of a more tranquil kidney
With glass in hand and monocle at ease, having spent the
Afternoon chuckling over the obituaries in The Times, was in
Expansive mood, well tanked up, lolling in a cockpit leather
Armchair. Nyoom, brum brum, downtown. He glanced with difficulty
Over his shoulder, most of his huge top half stiff with the wallop
He'd received from the half-thawed chicken. He was quite alone
Of course there were troops in the city. Thousands of them
Massing for counterattack. Death's head fanatics, the lot of
Them. Heads like peanuts. Brum brum, Glasgow. Bad news, Jock?
Aye, sir. It's the wee puppy, sir. During the blackout
Jerry came over and the screaming went on and-
Now now then man, pull yourself together. Here, have a piece of
Special chocolate. And Professor, Professor Molebottom, where's he?
In the laboratory, sir. All night, bouncing his balls across the tank
Damn this leg. By cracky, I'll make Corporal Carpetchewer
Choke for this night's doing. Who put the bounce
In the bouncing bomb? Molebottom did, downtown
Silent as a smelly one, Hubert entered the room
Can I play too, Henry? I like taking orders
Henry exploded with shock
Don't Kamerad me, you quisling! You're not in uniform and it's dark!
Roared the Fรผhrer of Rawlinson
But I'm in pyjamas and I'm your brother
I'm afraid this is going to be an understandable
Mistake, shouted Henry, blowing strongly on a whistle
And with a nasty growl, he was over the top
Poor Hubert received a terrific thrashing, plus a crippling
Kick in the fork, and, disgraced, was condemned to his room
To celebrate All Squids' Day, there was a face jumping competition
At the Fool and Bladder. This ancient amusement involved leaping
Onto volunteers' heads, lightly touching, then springing off. To
Draw blood or squash a nose meant instant disqualification and this
Was the skill of it. Seth One-Tooth was unquestioned master of this
Unusual sport, and he lounged, huge and work-stained, outside the
Old pub, explaining the rules to Reg Smeaton, newsagent and self-
Styled encyclopaedia. A large, red-faced farmworker with arms like
Tractors, stripped to the waist, paced out an enormous run-up before
Turning to thunder down on his grinning partner lying on the green
'E's got no chance, said Seth smugly
Silly bugger's wearing spiked running shoes
Reg Smeaton, Flocco's red wig like a kipper nailed to his
Bonce, nodded with ill-feigned interest, but the butterfly
Flexions of his face muscles argued the mental tumult within
Urging fervid facts chattering in Stockhausen tongues
Drawing from my vast, though admittedly unresolved, catalogue of
General know-it-all facts of interest etcetera, corroborated
Corroboree, a sacred or warlike assembly of aboriginals, may I remind
You of the exploits of one William Barker of Manchester. In the
1890S, Billy cleared a canal 35 feet wide, making a running jump
Jackknifing into a second, to land perfectly dry on the other side
I could clear a snooker table, full-length mind
From a standing jump before Operation, grumbled Seth
I coulda made a mint had I been a bit more shrewd
Did you know that the elephant shrew never closes its eyes?
Through the intestinal smoke of Seth's pipe, Smeaton's sweat-spangled
Face, eyes straining with mad intensity behind glasses the shape of
Ford Cortinas, shuddered with the ungovernable maelstrom of
Information, inessential, infantry and endless, that constituted the
Grotesque furniture of his mind. Filing cabinets unlocked
Thesauri fell agape, data danced in strict formation, quick
Quick quick quick quick, puzzles fitted, it all added up
Niggling, self-edited, tumbling with clicking impatience, cross-
Referenced and erupting, gathered berserk-fierce, heedless and
Torrential, howling for outlet from his springboard lips. Seth
Adjusted the strings about his knees, and, unnoticed, a passing
Woodpigeon vacated onto Smeaton's ploughman's coypu burger
I ain't so nimble now, said Seth, but I used to jump in
And out of barrels of eggs without cracking a shell
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