Confession Time
Bill Hicks
Popularity ยท Low
YouTube
Searching YouTube...
Lyrics
Okay, folks. It's confession time. It's a confession in the way of a
Question. Is anyone here like me in that they are compelled, obsessed
, And drawn beyond their will to watch the show Cops every fucking
Night? I'm not alone? Oh, thank God! Thank God! I thought I was
Alone! "Hi, I'm Bill and I'm a Cops watcher!" "Hi, Bill!" I am
Obsessed by that fucking show. I can't- I can't not watch it. I'm
Like a guy with a sore tooth. I can't quit touching it, you know? "
Many trailer parks. Ever! Ow..." Each night I'm in a different...
I could buy a trailer right now. I know that much about them from
Sick, man. I can't... you know. And I- I love it, 'cause every night
It's the same show. A woman has been beaten by her husband. Her head
Looks like a melon. The cops are called on a domestic call, 'cause
The trailer next door couldn't hear the results of the American
Gladiators contest, or something, over her shrieking. I don't know
Why they called. I don't know how they had a phone. But, anyway...
The cops are called, right? And her- they come to the trailer. Her
Fourteen little cracker spawn are peering around her gingham skirt
Their eyes are so close together, the left eye is in the right socket
And the right eye is in the left socket. Some genetic mutation due
To inbreeding here, I don't get it. What does their family tree look
Like, a stump? And every time, the woman stands up for the fucking
Guy. Head looks like a melon. "He didn't mean to hit me, officer!
He didn't mean to hit me! He's a good man, don't take him away!
I fell asleep in the driveway and he run over my head with the truck!
He's a good man, he don't mean no harm! He passed out under the
Trailer right now with his dog, Skeeter!" Fuck Cops! Send in the SWAT
Team! She doesn't need children. Okay? And that's a judgement call
And I'm making it, but it's also... happens to be true, which gives
It the force, that extra oomph. She needs no more children. Okay?
Okay. Can't support 'em, can't feed 'em, can't raise 'em, don't even
Love 'em! (Ponk!) Bring 'em out! Why don't you just get the fucking
Cops camera to shine it up your fucking pussy and film the little
Criminal coming out! This is crime prevention! Here comes
Another illiterate, unwanted child! Cuff him, Bonanno! (coughing)
Can you calm down on your rutting just for a couple of seconds
Judge? Who makes you judge me? What makes you think you know
Better than Jesus? (mumbling) And she stands up for this guy!
This fucking cracker is balls deep in that whore every night!
I haven't been laid in three fucking years! It's not right!