Back When
Eleanor Every
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Cause when I was younger
I had high hopes
No obstacles coming
No hands to my throat
My days still held me down
Still lived in the same world
But I had the one thing that now I don't
All my youth ahead of me
Really assumed everything
Would happen in my teens
Once time felt like it was on my side
That was back when I was little
Back when I had plans
Back when dreams came easy
And I had less of them
Now I'm just tryna fight my visions
And make them all happen
But I can't
Maybe the truth is
I'm just fine where I am
Cause when I was younger
I loved the cameras
Wanted to be a model
Now all I see is
A monster in the mirror
Now I'm spending all my days
Navigating in my grief
Will I be lost to her forever
The girl who thought confidence was easy
And worthy and lucky enough to find
Affection and connection with a perfect guy
Once love felt like something that would be mine
But that was back when I was little
And back when things made sense
Back when I was sorry
But never for myself
Though I have never been ungrateful
And this ain't the worst hell
It's still hard
Maybe lights been
Playing hiding games in the dark
Why do you have to trade
All your conviction for a little wisdom
And to be more attentive to the light in others
You abuse yours
I know I needed a little broken
And I'm owning what
Life has served me
I know I'm mature for it
But now I'm too weak and ugly
To exist in this superficial
Perfect, even if you're sick
Gotta match up to the
Other girls, world
I know the real me knows my purpose is bigger
Wish I could live everyday like my dreams
Are just a given
Once I did
But that was back when I was little
Back when I had plans
Back when dreams came easy
And I had less of them now
I'm just tryna fight my visions
And make them all happen
Once I could, oooh
But that was back when I was little
And back when things made sense
Back when I was sorry but never for myself
Though I have never been ungrateful
And this ain't the worst hell
It's still hard
Maybe lights been playing hiding games in the dark