Doctor! Doctor! (feat. Rustage) (A Cappella)

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One Doctor to the microphone please That's One Doctor to the mic thank you! Welcome to Two Point! It's the place to be! From a painless little ailment all The way to A&E Your county's death count was Quite shameful to see So now you'll have to pay to Get away from that disease Private healthcare! It's the way It's meant to be! Where's the Welfare? When you're Getting it for free? But it's well fair! Just Beware of the receipt Two Point's the only joint For medical relief! Check in - we'll get you diagnosed Though the wait's a little long - I Hope you brought a change of clothes A patient must be patient - make The waiting room your home Just do your best not to Pay attention to the ghosts! Two Point Hospital's the only place to be! Though we're required to say There's other options, legally We swear that we've prepared for you The very best of care We've medical professionals and Specialists to spare We found them on the internet But really don't be scared Though one or two had doctorates in crayon To be fair Screw the anesthetic truly it's pathetic When saucepan wearing is the new pandemic Doctor, I'm feeling a bit lightheaded An irregular fixture Rip it out! Slot a head in! Uh, when I step on to the scene Moving and grooving my body - Ways you've never seen Cha Cha Slide up into the GP You say I need treatment - what The hell do you mean? I spent a few days browsing Paintings at the Tate To awake the next day as An arrangement of shapes Essential oils might have been the start Remember, medicine is not a science It's an art! (I've just had a call from our Legal team, it is in fact A science apologies) Right that'll be two hundred Two hundred!? What!? Two hundred watt? No You're at least three fifty! Private healthcare! The way it's Meant to be! Comfy desk chairs! (And a few fatalities) But we learn a little something Out of every tragedy So your death won't be for Nothing and that's a guarantee! No matter what you're coming down with I know that we can handle it I just saw twenty clowns climbing Out a tiny ambulance a lycanthrope, a mummy And a mammoth case of flatulence And thirty Freddy Mercuries does Wonders for the ambiance Two Point Hospital! Try our lobotomies! And if you aren't satisfied Get your next one for free! I'm feeling blue And can't express it to you But with the doctors at this hospital I'm fifty shades of screwed I'm not doing so gray-t It's Grey's Anatomy I'm mad at these doctors Using colorful vocabulary Eh, Kung Fu? Seizure? Rapping! I just rapping! Rapping, rapping! Arcade nightly - never ever losing Now I'm not so spritely, I need a resolution I'm not a criminal! Jail? I'm afraid of that! But with my condition I've stolen all of my neighbor's cats! Before we operate There's forms you're yet to fill To say we're not responsible when We mess up the drill Our honest interrogative is not To get you killed Cuz the patients who don't make it have No way to pay the bill I've treated many sickly beings from Bloaty head to kidney beans And if they're dead It simply means an open bed (or quarantines) Our policy is quality - we've All the best technology We're top in Radiology biology, Orthology Bionic Ornithology and Chronic Escapology Demonic Egyptology Our gift shop is beyond belief An inspection? No prob' at all! Can't fake perfection But we're faux nominal! Doctor, I think I'm addicted to petting zoos Oh? What are your symptoms? Well, I've been feeling a little Horse for a weeks Private healthcare! The way it's Meant to be! There's a method to the madness Aimed at every malady We're the best you can afford And the Yelp scores agree We've got the best shade of grey morality! Medical practices, this is what you call it? I would've got the same experience If I'd burned my wallet I'm rating this place one out of five But I've got no choice if I want to stay alive Two Point Hospital's impossible to beat! The costs are astronomical Cough up or you're deceased! Erm doctor i keep forgetting what an Airport building is called I'm so sorry it's terminal! Private healthcare! It's the way It's meant to be! Don't go elsewhere! Or we'll Lose our subsidies! Ignore the screams! Have a seat A cuppa' tea At Two Point you should make a full recovery! Ignore our poor mortality rates! I'm sure we can charge more - tally the rates! Yes we can get a little bit carried away But ignoring all the flaws, tell me How was your stay? Choose Two Point Hospital for comical disease We honestly can promise that We'll probably succeed Patients are reminded that fatality is not an Excuse for late payment thank you!