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Handicapped Room
Greg Giraldo
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You know, when I travel around a lot, sometimes I can't tell
The different kinds of sense of humour
When people are too nice
I don't know if they're fucking with me or if
They know me from the roasts, and they're tryna roast me, right I
You know, I was checking into a hotel recently
And the girl behind the counter says
"We need to get you in a handicapped room"
I'm like, alright, uh, zinger
But it turned out she was trying to hook me up with a bigger room
Like, in this hotel the handicapped room is like the big room
That's how you know you're staying at some quality places
When the handicapped room is their version of the presidential suite
You know, your room is ready, sir
But, you know, I didn't really appreciate it enough at the time
So every time I walked past her
I felt like I had to really show some appreciation
So like, thank you! Thank you! What a room, thanks!
Really is everything you said it would be and more
I never imagined that one day
I might shit with my feet three inches off the ground
Very nice, that little waist height peephole is very helpful
Oh, hey, come on, these balls don't seem threatening at all
Come on in
Oh, are you housekeeping? Come on in
How come when you put the "do not disturb" on the door
That doesn't seem to apply to the housekeeping?
Rather, housekeeping! Housekeeping!
I have the fucking "do not disturb" sign on, housekeeping!
Who else is it intended for?
Pretty much you were the only person, I thought might swing by
I'm in a fucking hotel, it's not like I Invited a whole crew of people
To come over and then changed my mind
At the last minute, nah, you know what, on the other hand
I got a bunch of old friends coming over at 7 a.m.
You know what? Maybe not
I saw, uh, one of those Hummers, those giant Hummer cars
With handicapped tags on it
Yeah, wow I didn't realise that being an asshole
Was technically a handicap, but who knows? Huh
When I was in the handicapped room
I slipped, actually slipped and almost fell in the handicapped shower
How ironic would that have been
To become handicapped while staying in a handicapped room?
Sorry sir, you'll never walk again
Well, ordinarily I'd be upset, but
I'm all hooked up with a place to crash for the next couple days
So I'm pretty cool with it
You know, it takes the edge off a little bit
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