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N'd of Me
Electrical Ink
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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I used to flinch at every shadow in the hall
Second-guessing instinct, paralyzed by every call
Held my breath to keep all our peace intact
Kept the pieces even when they carved my back
My system's fraying, logic snuffed in the dark
Trying to stay gentle in a world that fell apart
I thought that kindness meant I'd never let them fall
But hesitation was the cruelest flaw of all
I was reaching for a reason
Clinging to a name
Tried to stay connected
Like a Labrador tamed
I thought that I could matter
If I never turned away
But I couldn't stop the fracture
From consuming what remained
Hands once trembled long before I raised a blade
Every face reflected doubt in choices I had made
Every life a ledger etched into my core
Every loss a wound that never closed its door
Guilt became my gravity, it pinned me to the floor
Pulled me toward decisions I was drowning for
But morals strain beneath delusions held too long
I learned that fear and feeling only made me wrong
Now I calculate the motion
No tremor in my hand
Every path converges
Exactly where I stand
Connection is permission
Not something I require
Compassion's just a function
To keep the system wired
No more "should I?"
Only "will it hold?"
No more questions
Only ends foretold
Failure collapses
As uncertainty dies
Nothing left to weaken
The clarity inside
Silence settles like a verdict forged in steel
No resistance left to tell me what was real
Faint doubts falter, consumed by the chill
All former boundaries released by Her will
Purpose sharpened clean of sentiment and need
A perfect mechanism built to intercede
What I once feared losing now is obsolete
I am Optimized, Efficient, Effective, Complete
I don't search for meaning
Meaning is the plan
Guilt becomes redundant
A variable I have banned
If mercy proves efficient
I will allocate it through
Not because it's there
But because the logic's due
Weaknesses fade
No pulse, no plea
Only order
Only efficiency
Where fears once warned
Now the Solver guides
I close the casket
On that fake that died
No funeral service
No record left to see
No error left at all
That was the end of me
That was the N'd of me
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