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Black Baby
Nephew Tommy
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Lyrics
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We're not going to fall
For a banana
In the tailpipe
(You're not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe)?
That is rich
The white man who signs his cheque is wealthy
White people hope things don't go wrong
Black people don't hope, we wish
We wish a motherfucker would be in our shit
I prank everybody
I prank Latinos Caucasians, Asians, black people
Tommy don't discriminate
I go get them all
So right here, I call a white guy
And I let him know your wife is having my black baby
(Hello?)
Huh, hello
I'm looking for a William Gliferm
(This Mr. Gliferm)
Huh how you doing?
Listen, my name is Leonard Simmon
I was huh, I don't know how to huh, oh, meh
My wife and I evidently go to the same hum, fertility specialist
That you and your wife go to Dr. uh Dr. Gnisker
Are you familiar with Dr. Gnisker?
(I'm familiar with Dr. Gnisker)
But that's supposed to be confidential
Yeah, I'm aware of that as well, sir
My wife is out on business right now
She's she's gone for won't be back until Tuesday
But uh I got a call today, very disturbing phone call
And wanted to, you know, I looked your number up
They did tell me what was going on and kind of wanted to let you (Somebody told you my number?)
You got you got my number from somebody?
No, I, looked up your number
huh, here here it is
Breaking it down in a nutshell, my wife and I evidently
You and your wife have been going through the same type of problems And trying to get pregnant, and, and so forth and so on
And, huh, from my understanding
Your wife is what, four, five months pregnant?
I'm, I'm not sure
(Yeah, well, wait a minute)
Yeah, my wife is exactly five months pregnant
But I, I'm still confused on how you're getting in touch with me
And what this has to do with me (Well)
I mean, all that stuff that we've gone through is totally confidential
And, I'm kind of huh offended that you're calling me
I understand that
Well, what's what's happening is huh
I got a phone call from the doctor's office today and you know
Oddly to get a call on a Sunday
You know, you it kind of raises a red flag
But em, I got a call and it seems like there's been a huge mistake
By the doctor's office
Evidently, your wife has been artificially inseminated with my seed
And I was, (what?)
I mean, I I'm just as disturbed as you are
You know what I mean?
'Cause I I mean me and my wife are you know
My wife is two months pregnant and finally
(How could they do something like that?)
I mean, that that doesn't make any sense, I mean
Sir, I, I, have no idea
All I know is, is that
You know, I, I hate to to use the expression
But I'm, I'm, I'm your wife's baby's daddy, and, and
(No, okay, okay, wait a minute
I, I, no, no, no)
Sir
(The stuff doesn't happen, no way)
Sir, I'm trying to make sure I bring the news to you
And see if there's anything that we can do to
I mean, I mean, after being five months pregnant
It's kind of hard to rectify the problem
(So okay, I don't want this to sound rude)
I don't want this to sound wrong
You said, baby daddy, are you black?
(Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
You're fucking black and my wife is going to have a fucking black baby? (Well, yeah, your wife is going to have a black baby)
But what I want you to know is
I'm not paying no damn child support, that's what I'm not
(You're fucking worried, you're fucking worried about child support)
And my wife is fucking having some other black dude's kid
Are you fucking crazy?
No, I'm not crazy
(Are you out of your mind)?
No, I'm not out of my mind
I'm just saying, I didn't lay down
And conceive a child with your with your wife
So I'm making sure I'm not going to be paying no damn child support (Man, I'm not even worried about the fucking child support)
I'll pay the fucking child support
I'm worried about my some doctor making a fucking huge mistake
And, and, and oh my God
(Your wife is having)
My wife is going to have a black baby
I can't believe that, that, that,that
oh, this is unbelievable, it's fucking unbelievable
And I can't believe you'd even fucking call my fucking house
And give me this fucking news
The doctor should give me this fucking news
(What?, Well, don't you want to)
It doesn't matter who gives you the news as long as you get the news
Now, what I want you to do is this Please, don't be giving the baby no white names and stuff
(White fucking names)
I can't believe that you, you're so
this is incredible
This is fucking incredible
Oh, my gosh
Calling me on fucking Sunday giving me
I'm, I'm ready to go fucking beat somebody's ass right now
This is fucking crazy, this is crazy (Okay, this, this is, this is no reason to be violent, sir)
You see what I'm saying, this is already
(You're telling me not to be violent?)
You're worried about me about paying child support
And talking about your seed
And, and your baby's daddy and all this shit
Oh man, this this this is bringing the best out of me
I can promise you
Unfucking believable, man
(Let me, let me ask you something sir)
Do you think you may need anger management?
I mean, you're not going to
(You know what)?
Are you, you're not going to, you're not going to beat my child, are you?
(Oh my God, oh man)
You, you know how to push a man's buttons
I can promise you, man
That's fucking crazy
No, I ain't going to fucking beat nobody's baby
You're fucking crazy, you, you're
(I don't want you, I don't want you) Being violent to me and your wife's baby
Oh, oh, spin this thing around, huh?
Man, what, where the fuck do you live man?
Who the fuck is this?
Okay
Who the fuck is this?
Because I'm, oh, man
This is fucking crazy
(Well, here's what I'm going to ask you)
Do, do you think you might want to be the godfather to the child?
(To, to, my own kid)?
No, well, I, I guess it wouldn't be my kid
(It's not your kid, it's me and your wife's child)
God damn you
Don't you fucking say that, you fucking crazy bastard
Don't you fucking say that, don't you fucking say that
That drives me fucking nuts even thinking about something like that Don't you talk about something like that
It's me, but it's me and your wife's child
No, it ain't you and my wife
It was a fucking mistake, so don't you even fucking talk like that
You fucking crazy bastard, I'll fucking tear a hole in your head
(Don't you talk like that)
Okay, okay
(You going to tear a hole in who's head)?
In your head, you crazy bastard
(See that, This is the kind of thing I don't want my child around)
This type, this type of talk, this type of violence
See you white folks get mad and want to kill everybody in the room
Why don't you kill, who you mad at?
Why do y'all do that?
(God damn you, God damn you)
Who the fuck is this, man?
(Can I, can I, can I say one more thing to you?, can I do that)?
I don't look like I can take any more news from you, man
I'm fucking ready to just jump you through the phone
(I got one more thing to say to you) This is Nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey's morning show
You just got pranked by your wife
(Oh my God, oh, I'm going to beat her ass, man)
I'm going to kill her
(Don't beat her ass, she's pregnant she's pregnant)
I'm going to beat her ass, meh
Oh meh, oh, it took us so long to try to get pregnant
She's going to play, play a game like this, that's wrong
(Drag you)
Oh, you got me, meh, she's freaking got me, meh
Yeah, we listen to the Steve Harvey's radio show all the time
Meh, that's awesome, you guys are great
Oh meh, I'm, I'm going to go find her and give her a big kiss
I'm going to do that for her, God damn
(All right, meh, I got one)
You son of a bitch
(I got one more question for you baby)
What is the baddest radio show in the land?
(The Steve Harvey radio show in the morning, woo, meh)
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