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Act as If
Operation Mincemeat: A New Musical Original Cast
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Lyrics
Original
Translation
Bilingual
You just need to be more deceiving
Make them believe that whatever is in the file
Has the British scared, the British worried
The British doing their best to hurry
To get those files back
Or the Germans have us beat
That that briefcase holds the key to a British defeat
Act as if you do when you don't
What?
Act as if you will when you won't
I don't follow
We'll win sure enough
With the old double bluff
Just act as if you do when you don't
Haselden, you genius, I know you've got this down
It's just a simple matter of making sounds around town
Yes sir, of course sir, I'll give it my best shot
There's a good man
Thank you, over and off
What?
Oh God, what an idiot
Monty!
I mean really, it's not that bloody complex
The man's a complete fool
You just called him a genius
Yes, I lied, he's just a tool
And for tools to get moving
Then falsehood's the fuel
For when you need a moron to tackle a task
You call him a genius and he'll do what you ask
Act as if you do when you don't
Some files have gone astray
Act as if you will when you won't
We need them back without delay
He may sound dramatic
But at least they'll think we're panicked
Act as if you do when you don't
Right, well I'm off
Should you really be taking that?
Why shouldn't I?
Secrecy, Procedure
Unless I'm very much mistaken, that's the rules
Charles, the rules are but a trifling inconvenience
And they don't apply to us
You should know, you're a genius
Anyway, must dash
Jean awaits me at the Ritz
But can you check if the sweatiest spy in Spain is out-fooling Fritz?
You'll never guess the flippin' mess the British boys are in
We're finished if our missing files find their way to Berlin
It's do or die, a race is high
The Germans will win if Adolf spies his little eyes on what's within
Wink!
ยฟQue?
Monty here here!
You agree?
Course I do, you've got it quite right
It's not insane to say our brightest brains
Should have free rein to do as they like
Exactly!
You're a maverick, you mustn't be held down
Now spill the beans, tell me your dreams
Shall we get another round?
I've probably had enough
Nonsense! One more for the road
The night is young, and I want to hear
All that you know
Act as if you do when you don't
Tell me your secret
Act as if you will when you won't
I promise I'll keep it
Loosen his lips and maybe he'll let slip
Just act as if you do when you don't
I can't speak long
You see, tonight's the Ambassador's soirรฉe
There'll be some spies who I need to lie to
But I called to update
That my source down in Huelva
Just came through with news
The Germans have taken the documents!
Phew
Thank God
So they should make a play for them soon
As long as Haselden's done his job
But we shouldn't assume
He's in a nest full of vipers
And perhaps he's not immune
To the pressure and strain
Charles, is Monty acting strange?
No
Are you sure?
Yes
Quite sure?
Yes
Then perhaps he's not to blame
What?
Some files are missing, sir
Where they've gone's not quite clear
The loss of each a serious breach
It could end my career
The contents could fetch a high price for a profiteer
And I'm beginning to fear
Someone here's not what they appear
Act as if you do when you
We must retrieve them
Act as if you will when you
The enemy can't see them
If Monty's deceiving
He must have his reasons
Act as if you do when you don't
Cholmondeley
Sir?
Montagu
Johnny boy
What's the news?
The briefcase has gone to Berlin for review
So the top brass has seen it
Are they moving their troops?
No!
What the deuce?
If they've had it for days
And there's been no movement
We have to conclude, they may know it's a ruse
Oh, God
Come on, man, have some faith
What, in you?
You think because they've taken it
There's no way to fail
But if they see the fakery
The invasion's derailed
So I'd probably start praying if I were you
Because if all of this fails
Then its down to you two
Act as if you
Act as
Act as if
Act as if you do when you-
Don't touch that!
You do trust me, don't you, Charles?
Act as if you do when you don't
Of course
Act as if you will when you won't
There's a good man
The British are scared, the British are worried
The British are doing their best to hurry
You think that there's no way to fail (The British are scared, the British are worried)
Some files are missing, sir (The British are doing their best to hurry)
But if you're wrong (The British are scared, the British are worried)
Where have they gone?
The invasion's derailed (The British are doing their best to hurry)
So I'd probably start praying if I were you (The British are scared, the British are worried)
Because if all of this fails (The British are doing their best to hurry)
Then it's down to you two
Act as if you do when you don't
Please God, we need this
Act as if you will when you won't
Let them believe it
Soldiers die if we don't lie
So act as if you do
Act as if you do when you
Act as if you do when you don't
Act as if you do when you don't
Act as if you will when you won't
Act as if you will
Oh God, I can't stand it
It's not going to plan
There's so much at stake when you're making a man
Disaster awaits if they see through our sham, so
Act as if you do
Act as if you do
Act as if you do
Act as if you do
Act as if you do when you don't
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