You’ve Never Had It So Good

Stephen Ward Original London Cast

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Ten years back, life was grim Men were dull, girls were prim Fogs were thick, food was bland Sex was all in the hand Our idea of obscene Early night, blue routine That's all gone, as you see We're all rich, love is free You've never had it so good You've never had it so often Go and do what you never could A brand new brother and sisterhood You've never had it so good By the way, did you see Joseph Kennedy had a massive stroke? No. He's a great friend of my mother's. He used to come 'round All the time during the war. They had quite a lot in common Oh, yes? What? Both frightfully keen on Hitler Ha ha ha ha ha Mariella had a dalliance with the president, didn't you, dear? Yes, at the Hampshire House on Central Park. Good-looking fellow Really? What was he like? Bit preoccupied. Still, he gave me a hundred dollars Worked out about seventy-five dollars a minute Do you like S and M? I don't mind one of them Here you can have it off With some old English toff Who is that in the mask? They won't say, so don't ask Could be some royal duke Possibly King Farouk You've never had it so good You've never had it so often Chelsea's buzzing like Hollywood In Mayfair, it's well understood You've never had it so good I hope everything is to your satisfaction, mistress Why are you interrupting? Did I ask you to stick your oar in? No, mistress. Sorry, mistress And where's the white sugar? I thought people preferred brown with their coffee You thought? You thought? Who asked you to think? Nobody, mistress Go in the kitchen. Bill will be in to Chastise you in a minute, won't you, Bill? Whatever you say, Mariella Oh, thank you, mistress You won't thank me when Bill's finished with you. I'm blowing the Whistle for the kickoff. Here we go! It's everybody's lucky day! Pair off, it's time to pair off The whistle goes and they're off Now's the time for you to show your mettle Last one with their clothes on boils the kettle Spanking I'm all for spanking Which stranger am I thanking? You'll feel so good once you've got all your clothes off You'll find you are ready for anything I'm saying one thing's for sure, you are not going to doze off It's down on your knees but no praying Stroke me, somebody stroke me Punish me broad and poke me Smother me in strawberries and lick me Bring out your embroidery and prick me Use me, come on and use me Don't hang about, abuse me Just wave goodbye to those dull inhibitions You just have to be ready for anything Get started It's time to try those ambitious positions The ones that scare off the faint-hearted You've never had it so good You've never had it so often Go and do what you never could A brand new brother and sisterhood You've never had it so good You've never had it so good