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Pepy's Diary
Benny Hill
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I understand you're going to sing for us, Mr. Grimley
Oh, my word, yes! It's a little song about Samuel Pepys
Oh yes, he was a great lexographer
Well, he had ample opportunity, didn't he?
Wasn't writing his diary all the time, was he?
Quite so
Right-o, group, pegs out!
A shy young maid has took a room down at the Village Inn
Her bedside light is oh so bright and the curtains oh so thin
She enters her room at nine o'clock, at half past nine she sleeps
Lord Clarendon walks quickly on, but naughty Samuel peeps
Oh, we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary
Last Monday morn, my lady wife sent me to the butcher's shop
The butcher asked politely if I'd care for a mutton chop
I smiled and said, "A small sheep's head is really all I seek
And leave the eyes in, 'cause it's got to see us through the week"
Oh, we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary
I know a shy young shepherd boy, and Basil is his name
He has a sister called Anna, who sets my heart aflame
Through woodland glade and through meadows
Green, I did walk with this fair lass
But she slipped on a cowslip and she fell down on the grass
Oh, we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary
Oh, I stooped down and picked her up, her manner was serene
"Kind sir," said she, "pray put me down
For you don't know where I've been"
Basil begged me to marry her, and this to me did say
"Please wed my sister Anna, for she's in everybody's way"
Oh, we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary
Halfway up a wall outside a castle in Tranmere
There is a sign which reads, "The Duke of Denby was born here"
I have traveled far and I've traveled wide, but ne'er can I recall
Of ever hearing of a duke born halfway up a wall
Oh, we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary
I went to rent a lady's house, she handed me the key
She said, "It's to be let as it stands, with all that you can see"
"And are you to be let with the house?" said I in a very saucy tone
She said, "I'm not to be let with the house, I'm to be let alone"
Oh, we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary
Yes, we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary!
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