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Car Dealer
Roy D. Mercer
Popularity ยท Moderate
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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Herb Tenneson
Is this Herb?
Yes sir
Herb, do you work in the sales department down there?
Yes sir
Are you the only ol' boy named Herb that works down there?
Yes sir
Well you're the boy I need to talk to
I tell you my name is R.D. Mercer, and my wife was in there the
Other day lookin' at a car and you tried to help her find one
Yeah
And I don't appreciate the way you talked to her
Are you askin- you talkin' about Herb?
Herb, are you named Herb?
What was she tryin' to find?
Well, she was down there lookin' for a car and you kept
Showin' her and tellin' her how big the back seat was, and-
-Laughter
It ain't no- it ain't funny, Herb. I guarantee
It ain't funny, I don't appreciate it at all
I been married to the woman for twenty-two years and she's a
Churchgoin' woman and she don't appreciate bein' talked to that way
Well, the reason I'm laughin' is because you got the wrong guy!
No, you're Herb, aren't you?
Y-yeah, I been Herb for about forty-two years
Are you the only Herb that works down there?
Yup, I am
Well, you're the only- you're the one I need to talk to
Oh really?
That's right. You kept sayin' how comfortable the ride is
Really?
That's right, that's what she said
What was she- what was she lookin' at?
She was down there lookin' at a car, she was
Tryin' to find one of them Terraces down there
Oh, well it's got a comfortable ride, you know
Well, that's what she said you said
Well, it does have a comfortable ride!
And then she said you offered to show her your probe
-Laughter
Now I hear you just laugh while you can, Mr. Herb, '
Cause I'm comin' down there today and I'm whoopin' your ass
I don't let nobody talk to my wife that way, I've been married to that
Woman twenty-two years, she won't even let me talk to her that way
So I insulted your wife, huh?
You're damn right you did
You gotta be kiddin'
No, and you're gonna get an ass whoopin' today
Oh man, I can't stand that
Well, that's right, you're gonna get one. How big ol' boy are you?
Oh, I'm about... probably about six
Foot three, weigh about two fifteen
Well, that's what she said. That's just ripe ass whoopin' size
-Laughter
Alright, go ahead, get it out of your system
Y'all have pretty good insurance down there?
Oh yeah, I went to the doctor Monday
Yeah well
Workman's comp
Well, by God, you're gonna have a little more
Workman's comp on your hands after I get through
With you. You gonna be down there all day today?
Yeah
She said you kept tryin' to look down her shirt
Me?!
That's right! Kept showin' her the tires, said "Get down there
And look at them tires!" And you're just lookin' down her shirt
Boy, maybe somebody used my name
I don't think so
Yeah, they probably used my name
No, she said it was Herb down there
Well, that sure don't sound like me do it
You ever had your ass whooped before?
Oh, hell yeah!
I guarantee you, you can make them sexual innuendos to women
That you don't know and you're gonna get an ass whoopin'
Are you a married man?
Yes I am
Would you like me to talk to your wife that way?
Oh, she'll probably whoop you 'fore I could!
Well then, that's what my wife should've done when she was down there
Yeah
If she'd've had that little mace on her
Keyring, she'd've stuck it right in your face
Hey, hey, is your wife pretty good lookin'?
Well, that ain't none of your damn business!
You down there, you saw her, what do you think?
I don't remember seein' her, I ain't gotta know what she looked like
Well, do you make a practice of talkin' naughty to women down there?
No, I don't generally talk naughty to 'em
Well, you need an ass whoopin'
Well, don't come down here and whoop my ass, man
Well, I guarantee you it sounds like
Somebody oughta whooped it a long time ago
Down there makin' rude comments to them women
Showin' 'em your probe, what is that all-
No, I didn't show 'em my probe, I showed 'em the Tarraces
Beg your pardon?
I didn't show her a probe
That's what she said she got out of there, she wanted to
Look at them Terraces and you wanted to show her your probe
She wanted to look at the Tarraces, I wanted to show her my probe
That's what she said
-Laughter
Well, it ain't funny, I guarantee you
That don't sound like me
Well, that's what she said, your name is Herb
That's right, Herb Tenneson
That's right. Well-
You think somebody coulda used my name?
I don't know, you better find out 'cause I'm comin' lookin'
Up you, lookin' up Herb and whoopin' his ass, whoever it is
Well, wait a minute, before you walk up and
Punch me, will you let me know who you are first?
That's R.D. Mercer, I'm a little wiry fella
I be wearin' overalls and a John Deere cap
Overalls and a John Deere cap?
That's right, and I'll be down there today
Damn
That's right
And your name is R.D. Mercer?
Roy damn Mercer
R.D. Mercer
That's right, you gonna be there all day long?
I'll be here all day
Alright, well get yourself ready for a big time ass whoopin'
Get myself ready for an ass whoopin'?
Well, you be there about three o'clock?
About three o'clock?
Yeah, 'cause that'd be right after my nap
Okay -laughter
When I come down there and whoop your ass, I guarantee you don't talk
To my wife that way, I ain't gonna let nobody talk to her that way
Well, why you wanna whoop my ass?
Well, 'cause you talked dirty to my wife
God dangit, that's what I told you!
I didn't talk dirty to your wife!
Well, you done it, that's what she
Said, now you're callin' her a liar!
No, I ain't callin' your wife a liar!
Well, she said you're down there and you talked dirty to her
How old is your wife?
What?
How old is your wife?
She's old enough to know when somebody's talkin' dirty to her
She's old enough to know when somebody's talkin' dirty to her
That's right. We don't even take her to them movie channels '
Cause that kinda language upsets her, she's a Sunday school teacher
Well, how 'bout if you send her back down, I'll try to be nice to her
I ain't sendin' nobody back down there but myself and I'm comin' with
A fifty-five gallon drum of ass whoopin' and I'm pourin' it on you
-Laughter
Well, it ain't funny
He said he's comin' down here with a
Fifty-five gallon drum of ass whoopin'
-Laughter
Are you ready for it?
Yeah
Well, doesn't sound like you are. You're not gonna have a couple
Of them other ol' salesmen over there tryin' to help you, are you?
Yeah, y'all got some help down here
Now, by God, it's one on one is what it is, Herb
No one on one, I don't fight, sir
Well, I don't care what-
-Laughter
Oh, oh, Herb
Phil and Brent, how you doin'?
Oh, just fine
We're just pullin' your leg a little
Bit courtesy of your buddies down there
Oh, really?
They said that you kinda like to do this kinda stuff yourself
That's right
Yeah, I do
I'll tell you what, Herb, if you knock off a thousand dollars on
One of them Terraces, I'll let you look down my shirt -laughter
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