The Buffoon & the Dean of Admissions
Adam Sandler
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And now, a buffoon's meeting with the dean
Of admissions at a prestigious college
Well Michael, I'd like to extend my warmest
Congratulations on your upcoming graduation
And I understand you're interested in matriculating here in the fall
I got a snake, man!
Yes, pets are welcome here on campus
Be it the traditional dog or cat
Or even the occasional reptile
One time I fed it some beer, man
It was slithering this way and that
It was all fucked up!
I'm sure it was
Well, we discourage inappropriate drinking
Among both students and pets here on campus
Fuckin' shit!
Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy
So tell me a little bit more about your background
My father's a fuckin' asshole, man!
Hmm, I see
Your feelings of rebellion are not unusual at your age, son
My mother's a piece of shit too!
Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the summer
So you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to learn
My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man!
She had her head way up her ass!
Well, the quality of the faculty at a university such
As ours far exceeds that of a local public high school
Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!
Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success
I had diarrhea last month
I had to shit all fuckin' day!
Uh-huh, well, we all get the occasional stomach bug
Never a pleasurable experience
So, have you given any thought to your choice of major?
I've got a big fuckin' boner right now!
Mm, I see
Well, sexual arousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension
I do not take offense
One time I ate my neighbor's shit!
That's understandable
Well, I enjoyed meeting you and will be sending
You our decision by the end of the month
I bet you got really hairy balls!
Yes, it's a veritable forest down there
Bye-bye!