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How I Got The Calling
Patina Miller; Claire Greenway; Julia Sutton; Katie Rowley Jones; Original London Cast Of Sister Act
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When I was still a schoolgirl
Standing just about yay high
I saw the face of Jesus
In a coconut cream pie
Next morning, there was Mary
In a bowl of Special K
And ten of twelve Apostles
In the salad bar buffet
Now frankly, I'm an eater
And I polished off Saint Peter
When my tummy sorta gave a little lurch
And, I knew
Beyond all question
It was more than indigestion
And that's how I got the calling to the church
You found God in junk food?
The Lord works in mysterious ways!
So I told mine, now you tell yours
Age before beauty
Death before dishonor
My mother kicked the bucket
In the flood of '38
A falling Steinway piano
Sent my father to his fate
All twenty of my siblings
Caught the plague, by some odd chance
And something in the meatloaf
Got my uncles and my aunts
The town I lived in bit it
When a freak tornado hit it
And the heartbreak took my dog to his reward
And I figured on reflection
I could maybe use protection
And that's how I got my calling to the Lord!
(How I got my calling to the Lord)
Yes, that was how I got the calling!
And it was bracing
But enthralling!
And I just knew I'd do as I was bid
I'd be overfed
And I'd be obviously dead
So thank the Lord I got the calling when I did!
Now you!
No, them!
The folks from Jews for Jesus
Stuck a pamphlet in my purse
I heard a voice while playing
"Sergeant Pepper" in reverse
I prayed and then by golly
My psoriasis was healed
People always told me
That I looked like Sally Field
I had a revelation
When I skipped my medication
The outfit just did wonders for my frame
And yes, it may be odd
To get a wake-up call from God
But in the end, I got the calling, and I came
(I got the calling and I came)
And that was how I got the calling (la la la la la la)
And gave my life an overhauling (la la la la)
And it was loud
And firm
And oh, so clear!
Yes it's quite a jump.
But I'd be lost
Afraid
A frump!
So thank the Lord I got the calling
And I'm here!
Saved the best-est for last-est!
Oh, oh, she hasn't gone yet
Oh no, not me, I can't-I didn't -
Mary Robert wasn't exactly called to the convent
Were ya, Mouse? Tell her
Well
You see, I mean, it's kind of like, I
Came here as a tot
What I mean is
Left here at the door
Go on
And I don't know if I'm
Supposed to be a nun
Or not
It's
Hard to say, but after all
That's what the call is for
Right? So! Spotlight's back on you, sister. 'Fess up!
Okay. Ah
Me and - Sister Sledge
We had a ministry, I guess
Uh, working at Our Lady of Perpetual Excess
We'd go among the village people
Every day - well, night
Lifting up the sinful
And helping the uptight
Then suddenly one day
It was like, bang!
And right away I saw the light
And screamed "Sweet Jesus Christ"
And such
And I asked to be secluded
In this hellhole just like you did
And that's how I got the calling
Pretty much
How she got the calling pretty much
And that is how I got the calling
It was sublime
And yet appalling!
And it was oh, so right in all respects!
Ah
Sweet as mountain honey
And as wild as summer lightning
And as warm as woolen mittens
And so fierce that it was frightening
And as bright as new-cut flowers
And as swift as April showers
And orgasmic as a night of sweaty sex!
I'm sorry, was that out loud?
If it never came
If all our lives were just the same
Well, heaven knows what might've happened to us then
But we got the calling
Thank the Lord we got the calling
We're so glad you got the calling
Amen!
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