Sing!
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Lyrics
My early years were really very simple
I wanted to be Fred Astaire
I could dance and I could act
But I had to face the fact
That the other thing, it simply wasn't there
Mouthing to a record, I'm his double
Turn the record off and I'm in trouble
See, I really couldn't sing
I could never really sing
What I couldn't do was sing
I have trouble with a note
Goes all around my throat
It's a terrifying thing
See, I really couldn't hear
Which note was lower or was higher
Which is why I disappear
If someone says let's start a choir
I'm terrific at a dance
Guys are comin' in there fast
I'm a birdie on the wing
But if I begin to chirp
They say who's the little twerp
Going pong instead of pling
Oh, I know you're thinking what a crazy thing
Dah-ling
But I really couldn't sing
I could never really sing
What I couldn't do was sing
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Stay out of the chorus, kid, you ain't got the goods
Oh, to be singing 'round the campfire
Go find another clearing in the woods
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall
Ninety-nine bottles off pitch
Toe a deer, a female deer
I hated that son of a bitch
But, uh, what I lacked in pitch
I sure made up in power
And all my friends said I was perfect for the, uh, shower
I guess, uh, what they really meant was
Darling, never, never sing
You can never really sing
You must never, ever sing
For whenever you begin
You are like a violin
With a very broken string
When the rest of us go dong
You always, I go ding, ha
And you really shouldn't sing
You must never, ever sing
Darling, never, ever sing
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la
And when Christmas came and all my friends went caroling
They would never, ever ping
Mrs. Bang instead of ping
Mrs. Tonsils in a swing
It was so disheartening
See, I really couldn't sing
I could never really sing
What I couldn't do was, uh, sing