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America The Beautiful
Carlos Mencia
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Lyrics
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Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the comedy of Mr. Carlos Mencia
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You guys are awesome!
I love your attitude, I really do
This is what I'm talking about, this is what America needs
We need to be happy again
Too many people out there are like unhappy, and I don't know what that's like
Because I was born in another country, and I see America way different than the majority of people
So before I even get started, let me just give you a perspective that's mine
I've been to a lot of other countries
And I want to say this straight up
The United States of America, on our worst day, is better than any other country on their best day
Period
End of story
End of story
Period
It's true
My friend the other day goes, my life sucks
I have a 1982 Nissan Sentra
You got a car, bitch?
That's not suck
Suck is when you live in Venezuela, and you see a guy that has a donkey with three legs
And you look at that guy, and you're like, man, if only I had a three-legged donkey
I will give people a ride in a circle in my donkey
Are you out of your mind?
If you think America sucks, that's because you've never been to Guatemala
Trust me on this one
Oh, yeah
Because we got to see what's real, what's awesome
Instead of complaining about what we don't know about
You've heard people out there
What's wrong with our economy, Carlos? Nothing
Well, why isn't it awesome like it was before?
Because nothing can be awesome all the time
It rains sometimes
It snows sometimes
There's earthquakes sometimes
Things change, and that's normal
We had a great economy for 20 years
Why can't we just be happy with that instead of, but what happened?
Well, it's like sex
Sex is amazing but you can't do it all the time
And that's what happened
For 20 years, we were having sex with our economy
20 years, just, I want a jet ski
I want a boat
I want a motorcycle
Right?
And finally, we had an orgasm, and we're like, don't touch it
It's sensitive
That's where our economy is
It's right there
It's fragile, It's fragile, It's fragile
You wanna buy a car?
Don't touch it, it's sensitive
How's your credit?
Don't touch it, it's sensitive
And maybe it's because I was born in Honduras
That, you know, my friends were like, dude, "Why do you love America so much?"
Because if I was in Honduras, I'd be the funniest man milking a cow
That would suck
I'd be all, hey, anybody want to hear a joke?
She doesn't even have milk
I'm playing with her chi-chis
I am the best
Because it's the subtle things
You understand that?
It's not the big things that we take for granted
It's the subtle things
You know, and that's what you got to worry about
The subtle things
The little things
A friend of mine loves Bush, hates Obama
My other friend loves Obama, hates Bush
They were arguing the other day
Obama's an idiot
He ruined everything
What are you talking about, dumbass?
Obama's fixing everything that Bush ruined
Hey, Carlos, what do you think?
I think that we should just be happy that we have a president that's in office
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Well, I'm from Honduras, bitch, where last year the president just disappeared
A whole country woke up one day and went, what happened to him?
I don't know
Last night, he was right there, right there, pero today, he's not right there
I don't think he's coming back
Because you got to have perspective
And that's the problem
That people hear a whiny thing and they want to go with it and see in perspective
Get the perspective
Do you want me to tell you our country's great?
Do you want me to tell you when we know that our country sucks?
That's when Cubans in Miami
Go to the beach, get in the water, and swim their ass back to Cuba
That's when our country sucks, right?
That's when we suck
When there's a bunch of people in the water going, Fidel, Fidel
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