Whelm
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It whelms me in waves
Debilitating
Consuming feelings of inadequacy
(It feels) it feels like
It feels like itโs taken
My desire to live
Away from me
It whelms me in waves
Debilitating
Concealing feelings of constant grief
It feels
It feels like
It feels like Iโm failing
Myself at every turn of the page
Not enough time in the day
To sit and question why
I spend every second
Wishing that I wasnโt alive
I guess itโs just who I am
So Iโll continue to be
My favoured enemy
Nerves displayed
Itโs like my mind canโt change
I feel like Iโm blind
I just canโt see through the forest
From the fucking trees
Emaciated
Itโs like my whole life has been wasted
Grotesque and sorely hated
These thoughts are whatโs killing me
It whelms me in waves
Capitulating
Itโs exhausting even trying to breathe
It steals
It steals life
From every corner of my body
That Iโm just too ashamed to heal
Whatโs that? (Whatโs what?)
Canโt tell
Handheld dream, shot in hell
Perfecting every excuse to ignore myself
Itโs all I have, itโs all I am
Itโs all I know
So I continue to be
A self catastrophe
Nerves displayed
Itโs like my mind canโt change
I feel like Iโm blind
Like I canโt see through the forest from the fucking trees
Emaciated; itโs like my whole life has been wasted
Grotesque and sorely hated
These thoughts are whatโs killing me
It whelms me in waves
Debilitating
Consuming feelings of inadequacy
I deserve this
Sophisticated in my sophistry
Convince myself to never read between the lines of my life and monotony
Itโs no surprise thereโs no one stopping me
Iโve burned every single bridge that made me someone ever worth something
I couldnโt decide if I tried
Because I can never make up my stupid fucking mind
An exercise in futility
Is all that I have left of my life
I invalidate the warmth that I receive from others
I invalidate the reasons I should be alive
It wasnโt my choice to be made this way
To be addicted to the feeling of permanent anxiety
Donโt tell me everythingโs okay
When my hands both have the shakes and I canโt feel my legs
I spent two years as a ghost
And Iโm still trying to return to corporeal form
I guess thereโs nothing left
Of the person that I thought I once was
Iโll decide my time of death and write one last goodbye
Iโll decide the time for when I take my fucking life
You are nothing but an object in my way
You are nothing but an
An error that I wish I never made
Or, maybe I just shouldnโt have ever gotten this far to begin with
Is this really all there is for me?
Masticated by the life that I lead
And now Iโm stuck inside the maw of defeat
Because Iโm too fucked up to take my meds for the third time this week
And even after all this time has passed
I canโt remember when I didnโt want a drink in my hand
Years turned to seconds in my grasp
And I still canโt believe I ever let this happen