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Log Ride (Jfl 2010)
Gabriel Iglesias
Popularity ยท Low
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๐ฌ๐ง English ยท Original
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Lyrics
Original
Translation
Bilingual
One thing I gotta give it up to you guys is your air
You guys can breathe here!
I live in Los Angeles
And I didn't realize I was being deprived of oxygen
I got off the plane here
I took a deep breath and I was like
Oh my god, I can do math!
It was freaking great!
You know, and then we flew and it was totally nice flying in
I won't say what airline 'cause it wasn't this one!
But, anyway
They say you can't say the names
You don't wanna offend the sponsors and stuff
And, uh, you know, big hand for WestJet
Start carrying bigger seats so fluffy people can enjoy the ride
Heck yeah, no matter what seat I'm in, even if it's first class
It feels like: ouch!
But, oh man, it was a rough ride coming over here
And kinda, we had a little, I ain't gonna lie
We hit a little air pocket
And the plane dropped like 50 feet, like that
I'm sorry, I don't care how tough you are
When you're in the sky and you fall out of the sky
I'm not gonna lie, I was gay for five seconds
I was a brokeback mexican, yes I was
Oh my god
I got recognized by one of these guys who comes up to me, right
He just walks up and he's staring
He's looking at me like I look at tacos
He goes: you're so funny, can I hug you?
And I'm like, alright
And I gave the guy a hug and he's like
In my ear, he goes: you're gorgeous
At first, in my head, I was like wooh!
But then I thought about it
Oh my god I just turned on a men, shoot!
I called my girlfriend
I said, you better not mess up, I have options!
Favorite time for me in my life was
When I played football in high school
And I've always been a big guy
So, of course, when you're a big guy on a football team
They put you on the front line and a bunch of other
Big guys are right on front of you and you're looking at each other
And you're saying stuff to one another
To try to intimidate the other guy
He's looking at me, I'm gonna kick your ass
I look at him and go, I wanna tackle you
This city is not fluffy friendly, I've been to some of the diners
What's up with that? No tables, only booths in certain restaurants?
That sucks, and you guys know exactly what I'm talking about
'Cause we can get into the booth, but then we eat
Oh, that sucks
And then you get out and you go home and take off your shirt
And you got that red line going across right here
You got Equator, Ecuador, right there!
That's why I love amusement parks, I love 'em but I can't enjoy them
Because they're not fluffy friendly, you try to get on the ride
And they got all the safety restraints, you know, freaking
Right? You're fluffy like us, that's not gonna happen, alright
That's why I miss the old rollercoasters, one bar, three clicks
That was it, right, we never fell, we never fall
Seriously, we never fall
You know who falls? The skinny guy who sat next to us
That's who falls, that's who freaking
More room, haha
We never fall
And my buddy Mondo is built like me, just like me
Since we need to get on the ride
I'm like, how are we going to get up
He goes, they have a ride here, it's like a log ride
And you get inside the log ride, it goes up the hill
Down the hill, and makes a splash
I got like, what about the pool bar?
There's no pool bar
Seatbelt? No seatbelt
You just get in and go
I'm like, well, let's do it
So we get in line and we get to the front of the line, right
Now we gotta deal with the lady with the headset
The one who takes her job way too serious
"Okay, how many people, four? Okay, we got four"
"Okay, two here, two here? How many people, five, I got five"
"Okay, three there, two there"
We get to the-
"How many? Oh my, I got a code 1000"
"You guys can have that one"
And she gave us our own log
So we jumped in, she pulls the lever and we take off
We're splishing and splashing, right
Three minutes into the ride, the moment of truth
We get to the hill
My friend turns around, he looks at me
And he says: Gabriel, let's flash the camera
I said, you're stupid
On three, we freaking, ah
We get off the ride, we're soaking wet
We go to the bottom of the hill
We wanna go buy that picture
We get there and there's a lady behind the counter
With a bunch of monitors behind her
And she's covering one of the monitors
I tell my buddy: what boat we're we on?
22, she's covering screen 22
Oh, we better sneak out of here
Oh yeah, we're gonna sneak out of here, freaking
We get stopped by security, and you haven't lived
Until you've been stopped by a security guard
With a badge on the shape of a mouse
This guy swore, right
"Hold on! Ma'am, can you move your hand? Thank you"
"You guys see that photo right there, you see that?"
"That's a disgrace"
"We can't believe anyone could take such a photo at this park"
"You guys recognize the two large women in this picture?"
And it wasn't until we got like, this close, to the photo
That we realized something about ourselves
And that is that when two full-grown fluffy men
Are going downhill at a 45 degree angle
With no shirts on, going like this
We both look like sexy bitches
Toronto, you guys were amazing! Thank you very much
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
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