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The Tragic Events Of September Pa
Evelyn Evelyn
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Are you there Evelyn?
Yes, of course I am
I'm always here
What's the matter, Evelyn?
I'm frightened
It's that time of year again isn't it Evelyn?
Yes, it is that time of year again Evelyn
Tell me once more how it all happened Evelyn
Hush now, we don't talk about that
Because it makes us sad Evelyn
I won't be sad this time, I promise, please?
Tell me again about the tragic events of September Evelyn
The year is 1985, St. Elmo's Fire is at the top of the charts
The wreckage of the Titanic has just been discovered at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean
And on a small farm on the Kansas-Colorado border
A young mother is about to give birth
The local doctor has predicted twins
Which gladdens the hearts of the woman and her husband
Who could certainly use the extra help around the farm
But the birth does not go well
The terrified father drives his screaming, hemorrhaging wife to the local clinic
A poorly funded facility housed in a converted airstream trailer
The presiding physician is Dr. Charlie von Coop
A local denture maker of dubious training with eccentric religious beliefs
The labor is long and painful and Louisa Neville
A Mennonite girl who had given up a promising career as a legal assistant
To join her first and only love on the run down farm
That was his only inheritance (may her soul rest forever in peace)
Is pronounced dead by the doctor at 11:23 A.M. on the eleventh day of September
Precisely 12 minutes after the birth of her twin daughters
The girls are Parapagus Tripus Dibrachius twins
Conjoined at the side and sharing between them
Three legs, two arms, two hearts, three lungs and a single liver
Without hesitating, Dr. von Coop places the infants on the operating table
Muttering biblical quotations of doubtful accuracy
The doctor leaves that trailer and returns with a gas powered chainsaw
The noise is deafening in the small space as he starts the engine
And prepares for the grisly operation
At this very moment, Sheriff Wilbur Owens
Having noticed the Neville's car parked outside the clinic
Steps inside to see if could be of assistance
Seeing the crazed doctor hovering over the newborns
The teeth of the chainsaw about to connect with their innocent flesh
The valiant Sheriff draws his pistol and fires
As the bullet pierces his heart, Dr. von Coop emits a cry
And stumbles backwards
Samuel Neville a timid, nervous man
Who wanted nothing more than a quiet country life with many children
Is still in a state of shock over the death of his young wife
And the alarming physiology of his daughters
When he is struck in the neck by the chainsaw blade
Killing him instantly
Distraught, the good Sheriff takes the crying infants to his car
He radios back to the station where it is arranged for the twins to be admitted
To the Bethany Center for Developmentally Disabled Youth in Topeka
Sheriff Owens decides to deliver the twins to the Bethany Center personally
Less than an hour into the drive an oncoming truck swerves
Crosses the median and strikes the Sheriff's car
The Sheriff is thrown into the windshield, knocking him unconscious
He will die thirty minutes later from loss of blood
Meanwhile the world has become a sea of feathers as the trucks cargo of live chickens
Many among them now seriously injured or dead, spill into the road
A small awkward man limps out of the trucks cab and cautiously approaches the Sheriff's vehicle
The man's eyes focus on the twin girls calmly look up at him from the back seat
Ignoring the dying sheriff, the truck driver lifts the infants into his arm
And sets them in the cab of the damaged vehicle
He unhitches the trailer and climbs into the cab
Abandoning the defenseless chickens to their grim fate on Interstate 70
A smile forms on his lips as he puts the truck into gear
And continues down the highway
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