Merry Memories
P-train
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Lyrics
It's 11:25 the night of Christmas Eve
Been in bed for an hour but I can't sleep
Nestled in my covers, deep deep deep
Too excited to lay still
Too wired to dream
Poked my head out the window, and I did see
The neighbor in his backyard fuckin a sheep
It's none of my business so I closed my eyes
Started wondering if he was gonna cream that pie
Couldn't get it out of my head, what a sight
Not what I wanted to see Christmas night
Leave milk and cookies for the silver fox
If you don't have a chimney leave the door unlocked
Santa would like to bring you a new Xbox
Unfortunately that's too high a cost
So he got you crayons and a toy robot
It's a different Santa by the way
It's 1:42 A.M. Christmas morn
You woke up to hear a lion roar
Your brother was watching animal porn
He forgot to mute the sound and close the door
Now dad is mad and cussing him out
Every Christmas he seems to scream and shout
Grandma walked by in a see-through gown
All the excitement you had was running out
Leave a big carrot for the big reindeer
If you don't have milk leave out some beer
Santa would like to bring you a new iPad
Unfortunately your whole family was bad
So he got you pencils and a book of math
Wake up, that time has finally arrived
Time to open every present, ribbons untied
Mom came down and killed the vibe
Uncle Jeff got arrested, bail denied
It was him not the neighbor I saw outside
Leave churros and caramel for Mrs. Claus
If you don't have caramel leave apple sauce
Santa would like to bring you a brand new car
Unfortunately that's too high a bar
So he got you a jump rope and playing cards
Don't set your expectations too high
And you'll never be surprised
Actually that might be a lie
We're all a bit weird so temper your pride
Be thankful for your family members that are still alive
Peace on earth was never an option