The Witch and the Wizard
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A witch there was, and a wizard as well
Moved into a rose-covered cottage in hell
A rose-covered cottage in hell
The wizard in spite of his wizardly eyes
Didn't know he married a witch in disguise
He thought her a very respectable maid
And hoped she would never discover his trade
The witch was not wanting in womanly wiles
She covered her bridegroom in waffles and smiles
She only went witching on Saturday night
And hoped in between times it all would go right
Next day the witch bore the wizard an elf
So handsome he looked like the devil himself
And he was the devil himself
The wizard looked down at his son, surprised
Said "None of family has lavender eyes
I think for my honor there's only one course
I ask you to grant me an instant divorce"
The witch was in tears for she knew without doubt
She certainly hadn't been gadding about
And now since the baby had lavender eyes
She saw very clearly her husband's disguise
The devil looked up from his crib and smiled
"Don't break up your home, you must think of your child
Remember your poor little child"
"A child," said the witch, "as is very well known
Requires a mama and papa at his home
Although you're a very contemptible man
I think we should stick it out if we can"
The wizard refused to acknowledge his son
But in dutiful deeds he would not be outdone
By a wife who would waffle and put things to rights
And stick to her knitting on Saturday nights
The witch settled down and the wizard as well
And both began raising the devil in hell
In rage and vexation and tears
The witch won't stop witching, the wizard won't speak
And though they've been married for only a week
It seems like a thousand years