Inner Kid
Alcatraz
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Lyrics
My mental health it keep on dwindlin' and that's why I just grab the pen n' pad and get to scribblin'
I'm hoping that it's working faster than the doctors Ritalin
I honestly just need to find my inner fucking kid again
Man I don't know what happen to em'
But I feel that he got lost along a path of strange influence
So I sit here hoping that I can speak to him through this music
Just to tell him that without him I feel like I have been losin'
Every battle that I face inside my mind
I'm just tryna fucking pace myself, embrace the length of time
That I know it's gonna take to ever find my peace of mind
I'm itchin' to rid myself of the bars I built around mine
Cause I be stuck up in this prison and I'm sittin' here surrounded by some vivid fucking visions
And I cannot seem to rid myself of all these premonitions
And I'm wishin' that this life of mine was so damn fuckin' different
See the man I was I've always been so scared of him
And now I hold a shovel cause I've been trying to bury him
Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing that I carry him
In every decision that I make, that shit is very grim
But I can never get away, cause the hole I dug is big enough to fit more than one grave
And I'm telling you I did it for a reason that's to say
That to bury him's to bury all the progress that I've made
I'm aware that all my growth had started with him in a way
So I'm honestly so grateful for the boat load of mistakes
It's the only fucking reason I was ever pushed to change
Still I wish it could've happened without the crippling shame
Cause now I sit here with these demons
And we used to chat about it over drinks every weekend
But we don't do that anymore, tryna get them to see reason
Get these demons to understand that our actions were just treason
We were fiending for the inner child we collectively lost
We was tryna be the best version of us we thought
Now it's very clear to me that we lost the plot
Now I feel distraught and it's here I see
My mental health it keep on dwindlin' and that's why I just grab the pen n' pad and get to scribblin'
I'm hoping that it's working faster than the doctors Ritalin
I honestly just need to find my inner fucking kid again
Man I don't know what happen to em'
But I feel that he got lost along a path of strange influence
So I sit here hoping that I can speak to him through this music
Just to tell him that without him I feel like I have been losin'
Every battle that I face inside my mind
I'm just tryna fucking pace myself, embrace the length of time
That I know it's gonna take to ever find my peace of mind
I'm itchin' to rid myself of the bars I built around mine
Cause if cannot get away from all the chaos that I cause
Then I have to fucking wonder what for have I even fought
I been tryna light the fire deep inside of me I lost
No I cannot fucking stop no I cannot take a pause
This is who I be, I'm a struggling human tryna find the piece of me
That could help me understand how to once again just breathe
If we never reunite this life will bring me to my knees
And it already tried one time with the drink
Now I've seen what it's like living life on the brink
Of destruction knowing this is what it's like when you sink
Now I need the kid inside to help my fly to my dreams
Spread my wings take me higher than I've been before
I know it's time it's now or never that I change my course
Otherwise I'll be the poet killed by his own sword
And I cannot stand for that I will achieve more
But you gotta understand I got these morals and these plans
And they have played the guiding hand that kept me trudging through the sands of time
Constantly fighting with myself on the inside can you see why
My mental health it keep on dwindlin' and that's why I just grab the pen n' pad and get to scribblin'
I'm hoping that it's working faster than the doctors Ritalin
I honestly just need to find my inner fucking kid again
Man I don't know what happen to em'
But I feel that he got lost along a path of strange influence
So I sit here hoping that I can speak to him through this music
Just to tell him that without him I feel like I have been losin'
Every battle that I face inside my mind
I'm just tryna fucking pace myself, embrace the length of time
That I know it's gonna take to ever find my peace of mind
I'm itchin' to rid myself of the bars I built around mine
I honestly get lost in all this hopelessness
It terrifies me knowing that who I am is not over this
The struggles and the pain that I've spent my whole life growing with
I know this is far from the end, but I'm still broken, shit
So the question that remains
How can I fix myself and rid me of the pain
My mental health's the predator, I'm merely its prey
Don't know what to say, I've noticed yes, I'm going insane
I know I can change, the kid inside would know what to say, to ease up the hate
I feel for myself every day, you know what I think
He never had strayed, it was me that chose the loneliest of the roads and wound up walking away
And now the light that I am chasing, is the fire deep inside, the same one that he's been maintaining
I'm so grateful for his patience, I promised him that the pain I faced would never leave me shakin'
But honestly I can't take it
I did my best and found the loneliness is dangerous
I'm turning back around, and yes my steps I am retracin' them
You're the only reason that I'm ever gonna make it
To my inner kid I'm sorry, but I'm coming back to change this